


Momentum

by CeruleanIntrospection



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Aquaphobia, Autism Spectrum, Depression, Desi Character, F/F, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Partial Nudity, Past Abuse, Polyamory, Prosthetics Peridot, Recovery, autistic garnet, desi lapis, genderfluid amethyst, hijabi pearl, rated T for mentions of past abuse and lapis's pottymouth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-09-17 14:38:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9329366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeruleanIntrospection/pseuds/CeruleanIntrospection
Summary: Lakshmi "Lapis" Sagar hates her new school. She hates how she struggles to open her locker every day and winds up in class fifteen minutes late with everyone staring at her. She hates how she can't drown out the teachers through her headphones without getting sentenced to cafeteria duty. She should enjoy art, but she hates that, too, thanks to the whiny half-pint with squeaky prosthetics who's assigned to sit at her table.But most of all, Lapis hates physics. It's hopelessly confusing and filled with the most annoying students imaginable. But maybe, just maybe, opening up to them can help her battle her own demons—the wounds she vowed to forget about long ago. Perhaps Lapis can finally learn that she can do about anything, maybe even learn how to love again.★ ON HIATUS UNTIL JULY 2017! THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE! ★





	1. Resurface

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, another high school AU. I'm so original. I apologize. But like? It's roughly 11 pm, I'm on a sugar high, and I frankly have no idea what I'm doing—moreso than usual. Shh. I've been planning this out extensively and I'm pretty giddy about it!

On the first day, she nearly ended up breaking her lock because she couldn't remember her combo. On the second day, she slept in and wound up hurriedly dressing in the dark; she rushed into class wearing an oversized flannel over a pair of too-tight Camp Pining Hearts pajama pants. Third day? Her breakfast consisted of burnt toast and she flunked her first quiz of the year. Fourth day? She had forgotten to bring her backpack. Her fucking _backpack._ To _school._ Who _does_ that?

And by the looks of things, Friday wasn't going to be any better, either. She had left her lunch at home, and both her pockets and stomach were absolutely empty. She sighed as she shuffled into the cafeteria, eyes glued to the tiled floor.

It was official: Lapis hated public school with a burning passion.

It was all her parents' fault. Her mother's voice swam in her head as she took a seat at the corner of the nearest empty table, drumming her fingers on it in desperation for this period to be over. For this day to be over.

* * *

_"Lakshmi, you're doing it again! Look at these kids your age, going to proms and clubs and the mall while you sit here with your butt glued to the sofa watching that stupid TV serial!"_

_"It's not stupid, Amma," Lapis had muttered as she idly picked at a scab on her knee, heavily invested in the Camp Pining Hearts holiday special. Paulette and Percy were just about to notice the sprig of mistletoe conveniently placed right over their heads._

_"Well, it's making you stupid! Staring at that ridiculous box all day."_

_Lapis propped her feet up on the coffee table and sank back into the couch. "Huh. That ten-hour marathon of Under the Knife must've docked off a looot of IQ points for you then."_

_She tensed up as soon as the last word escaped her. Stupid her. Stupid her and her big, snarky mouth. Lapis knew she was in for it now._

_She felt a sharp slap on her thigh, and the TV remote was yanked out of her hand right afterwards. She winced not at the pain which was barely noticeable, but at the sight of her mother jabbing the power button. They didn't have DVR. Great. Now she was going to have to stream the rest of the episode in painfully low-quality on one of those virus-infested sites. Or watch it on TubeTube with the voices hideously altered. She huffed in frustration as her mom twirled around on her heels to glare daggers at her._

_"You ungrateful girl! Is that how you talk to your mother?!"_

_"I—" Lapis bit her lip tentatively, her eyes darting from the blank television screen to the musty, washed-out carpet to the raw, slightly burning patch of skin on her knee. Anywhere but her mother's eyes._

_"No," she managed finally, getting up to retreat to her room. She knew there was no way she could win this argument. This age old argument about how she was pathetically antisocial. "Sorry, Amma."_

_"Is this how you're supposed to act, Lakshmi? Is this how your friends talk to their parents?"_

_Lapis's entire body went rigid. She froze in her tracks._

_"I have no friends." The words came out of her mouth clear and simple, leaving an unpleasant sting on her tongue._

_Her mother simply snorted. "No wonder you don't, staying cooped up all day! What ever happened to that girl you used to play at the beach with, hmm? That big, muscular one? She had some sort of skin condition, right? Had stripes all over her body." She clucked in dissatisfaction as she shook her head. "It's such a shame you never talk to her anymore, you two got along so well..."_

_She trailed off as Lapis's fingers began to curl into angry, trembling fists._

_"No."_

_"What?"_

_"NO!" Lapis screamed. Then, after sucking in a deep breath to compose herself and prevent another outburst, she hissed, "She's. Not. My_ friend."

_Her mom blinked. "Well, not anymore, maybe, but—"_

"Never," _Lapis shot back. "She never was. I'm going up now. Don't follow me."_

_Her trip upstairs was stiff and mechanical, the ringing in her ears eerie and sickening. She flopped onto her bed and curled up in fetal position. She wanted to fold her body up like origami, over and over and over again until she had vanished from this plane of existence entirely._

_"Breathe," she whispered to herself. "Breathe, breathe, breathe."_

_But breathing never came all that easy when you were drowning inside of yourself._

_And the tears, too. They streamed down her face without warning, hot and just salty enough to give her unpleasant flashbacks. It was the same salt that filled her lungs and endlessly spewed from her mouth in her nightmares. God, she hated the tears._

_God, she hated herself._

_So Lapis simply laid there, letting her eyes swell up and the snot dry on her face. Maybe if she kept her mind blank, nothing could hurt her anymore._

_Blank, blank, like the calm, blue sea._

_The same sea that would nibble at her ankles with foamy hands, eventually clawing their way up to her calves, her thighs, her waist; she was drowning, she was drowning. Each wave would become more violent than the last one, nipping at her chest, enveloping her shoulders, making her prisoner, shoving torrents of poisonous saltwater down her throat, choking her with stinging, unbearable pain—_

_"Lakshmi! You're shaking again."_

_Lapis shot up with a start, examining her trembling hands. So she was. She quickly subdued them by pressing them to the sides of her thighs, but her rapid-fire heartbeat and shoulders laced with goosebumps still remained._

_She was drowning._

_Lapis stared straight ahead at the Crying Breakfast Friends poster tacked onto the wall in front of her as she tried to calm down. She had bought it when she was six out of sheer enthusiasm; it still stayed up on the wall ten years later out of sheer laziness._

_"Lakshmi," she heard as she gazed blankly at Weeping Egg Cup. She didn't dare look away. The weight on her bed shifted as her mom sat down next to her. "Lakshmi."_

_Lapis didn't respond._

_"Do you remember dance class, Lakshmi?" her mom asked her softly. "Do you remember swim team? You loved those. You loved those so much. And then you just dropped out. What happened?"_

_Lapis gnawed at the edge of her thumb. Just wasn't interested anymore, she stated flatly._

_"We both know that's not true. You've been dancing for over five years. You were captain of your swim division. You can't just stop caring overnight."_

_Lapis tensed up as she bit back a_ Watch me.

_Her mom, slowly, tentatively, laid a hand on her knee. Lapis bristled slightly at the sudden contact, but allowed it nonetheless. It wasn't like she had much of a choice._

_"Lakshmi...I just called Appa before coming upstairs. Your behavior, your isolation...it disturbs him as well. You're sixteen. You'll be a legal adult in two years. You'll move out and head to college right afterwards. And the world won't let you live your life in a bubble. You have to socialize. You have to go out of your way and talk to others, or else they'll go out of their way to make your life miserable. You have to learn how to fend for yourself."_

_"Fat chance I can learn how to do that after sixteen years of homeschool," Lapis had muttered, eyes still glued to the wall. She could probably draw Weeping Egg Cup from memory by now._

_And then she had promptly slapped her forehead and grimaced as her mother gave her a lopsided smirk._

_"That's why Appa and I have decided," she said, getting up, "that we're enrolling you in public school."_

_Lapis shot up, nearly tripping over a set of watercolors sprawled carelessly by her bedside. She yelped as the plastic left a mark on her bare feet, her mind repeating one word a thousand times per second._

_No._

_No._

_No no no no **NO.**_

_This was not happening. This most certainly was not happening._

_"Rose Egan Quartz Academy." Her mother's voice jolted her to reality, making her realize that yes, this actually was happening. "Fairly new and highly reputable."_

_Lapis snorted while rubbing her foot. "What kind of name is_ Rose Egan Quartz?"

_"The name," her mother shot back at her, glaring, "of a renowned philanthropist you obviously have no respect for. She passed away four years ago in childbirth. The school was named in her honor."_

_"Great._ Great. A _haunted school. Maybe this philanthropist's spirit will possess me and eat away at my soul and you and Appa will actually like me for once because I won't actually be there at all. You're right. Maybe this is the best way to go."  
_

_There was a shocked silence hanging in the air as her mother slowly pursed her lips, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. She shook her head slightly as she stormed to the door. Lapis wanted to call out, to reach out to her and say she didn't mean it; she really did. But she couldn't. Her lungs were filled with saltwater and her lips were bound together. The only thing she could ever spew out was hate, the only thing she could do was drip salt into everyone's wounds, and God, was it frustrating._

_"Don't say that," she hissed at Lapis. All Lapis could see of her was her back._

_"What? You hate me. I know you do. Just admit it. Everyone does."_

_"What happened," her mother whispered, her back still facing Lapis, her hands planted firmly on the doorframe, "to the sweet, silly girl I used to love?"_

_Used to._

Used to.

_She was a thing of the past, that's all she ever was._

_"She's gone," Lapis replied coldly. "And there's nothing you can do about it."_

_She had done it again; she could see the tears streaming down her mother's eyes as she turned around to face her daughter. Lapis could feel her own eyes building up a dangerous amount of tension behind them._

_"I can still try," she whispered hoarsely. "I'm just scared for you, Lakshmi."_

_"Everyone's scared of me. No one wants to handle a trainwreck like this," Lapis muttered, then winced on reflex. Self-deprecation only ever made things worse in this household._

_"No!" Her mother shook her head, hands on her scalp like she was just about ready to tear her hair out._ "Listen _to me! This isn't healthy. We're doing everything we can to make you happy. You didn't want the therapists, so we dropped them. You said the medicine made you feel worse, so we talked your doctor out of it. We've done everything for_ you. _We're doing_ this _for you, too. Try to understand, Lakshmi. Just one year. Just try it out for one year, and if you don't like it, we can switch back to homeschooling. You need the interaction. It could do wonders. Please don't hate us for this._ Please."

_Her voice broke at the last word, and as she closed the door, Lapis felt like she was drowning all over again._

* * *

...In retrospect, it probably all was Lapis's fault. Like it always was.

Her fault she always isolated herself; her fault her parents and her mutually lashed out on one another; her fault she couldn't keep her awful, awful mouth shut; her fault they sent her away to this Rose Thorn-in-her-side Prick-up-her-ass Academy or whatever it was called.

And her fault, she thought to herself as her stomach grumbled, that she was stupid enough to leave her goddamn lunch at home and not bother to bring even a spare penny with her just in case.

"Stupid," she hissed as she glared down at the lunch table.

"Don't be so hard on yourself."

Lapis spun around and hit her knee on the table's underside. "Shit." She rubbed her leg and stared up at the intruder.

The first thing she noticed about her was not her towering height, the accented lilt of her voice, or even the massive, vaguely cubic afro severely framing her face; it was her glasses.

Her _sunglasses._

"Uh..." Lapis frowned. "Isn't that against dress code?"

"So are pajama pants," she replied swiftly. Lapis's face burned as she recalled walking into pre-calculus half-dressed on Tuesday; luckily for her, the teacher was too preoccupied with a text message of some sort to notice her outfit as she cautiously slid into her desk. _Nice ass, baby,_ some kid behind her had jeered. He was lucky he wasn't within Lapis's range; otherwise, she would have choked the life out of him with his tacky, blue infinity scarf.

"Shut up," she snapped.

The girl did not, in fact, shut up. Instead, she slammed a plastic tray down in front of Lapis.

"Bought you lunch," she informed her, adjusting her sunglasses.

Lapis narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "Well, who am I to turn down food from a total stranger," she deadpanned.

The girl frowned. "'M not a stranger." She jabbed her index finger in Lapis's general direction. "You're Lakshmi. From physics."

Ah. A physics student. That explained it. The moment she had stepped into that class and heard the teacher drone on about relative velocity (don't get her wrong; Mr. Maheswaran was a... _nice_ man, but even the nicest of people could lull you to sleep by talking about vectors), Lapis had realized that it was best for her to just hide in the back and drown everything out with her headphones.

It was working quite well, actually. She prayed it would stay that way. Her parents would forgive a bad grade or two. At least she didn't ditch class; she had been dangerously close to considering it after cussing out her locker in front of a very horrified group of freshmen on Monday.

Lapis nodded at her. "That's me," she said, picking at the remnants of turquoise nail polish on her fingers. "But I go by Lapis."

"Lapis," the girl echoed before chuckling slightly. "Interesting." She stuck her hand out to Lapis. "Garnet Genevieve Garland," she said. Lapis didn't shake back.

"That's, uh...a mouthful."

Garnet shrugged, still refusing to lower her arm. "Amethyst just calls me G-Squad."

"That's nice," Lapis muttered dismissively. She had no idea who Amethyst was, and she didn't want to know. She just wanted to go home, and maybe she would be equally miserable at home, but at least she could peruse through Camp Pining fanfiction while doing so.

Garnet didn't seem to take the hint, though. She stared down at the lunch tray (or Lapis thought she was staring down at the lunch tray, at least. Her shades were dark and Lapis could only make out the faintest outlines of Garnet's eyes behind them, and only if she stared at her face really hard and squinted _—_ _not_ that she was staring, mind you).

"Eat your food."

Lapis snorted. "Thanks, _mom."_

"I'm not your mother."

Lapis frowned. Everything that came out of Garnet's mouth was blunt, terse, and straight to the point. No pointless jokes or dancing around in circles to understand what she meant.

...Lapis could appreciate that, honestly.

She sighed and turned to face her plate. She was aware that cafeteria food didn't have the best universal reputation, but it actually didn't smell that bad. And from what she knew things that didn't smell that bad usually didn't taste that bad, either. For the most part.

The green beans looked limp, soggy, and most likely cold. She wrinkled her nose. Pass. Cinnamon apples? Kind of mushy and a muddy shade of beige, but pleasantly aromatic. Maybe. Tater tots? They actually looked kind of crispy and thoroughly fried. She popped one into her mouth and momentarily blissed out. Hell yes.

And then she saw the pizza.

She nearly had another table-induced injury as her whole body stiffened in horror when she first caught sight of it.

The pizza was square.

The _pizza._ Was _square._

This school was _fucked up._

She jabbed the slice (could it even be called that?) with her spork.

"Un-fucking-believable," she muttered, picking up the pizza and gaping at it.

"You curse a lot," Garnet noted.

"Well, maybe I wouldn't if this school didn't have _square fucking pizza_ (and maybe she wouldn't if she was allowed to curse at home without getting a mouthful bitter soap if she uttered even so much as a meek "damn"). What's _wrong_ with this place?"

Garnet yanked the spork out of Lapis's hand. "There will come a time in your life when you learn to accept all pizza," she announced sagely before tearing a bite out of the square.

Lapis snorted as she grabbed another tater tot. "Wow. That might've been the longest sentence I've ever heard you say."

Garnet shrugged as she swallowed. "I'm a person of few words."

"Mmm. Yeah. Not one for conversations myself."

Fortunately, Garnet had seemed to finally take the hint and stopped talking. Unfortunately, she still stood there, towering over her with a sporkful of square pizza. Lapis shifted uncomfortably.

After what seemed to be fifteen minutes of horribly awkward silence, she slowly got up and slung a backpack strap over her shoulder and took a step towards the cafeteria doors.

"No."

Lapis turned around and stared at Garnet, who was frowning disapprovingly. "Uh...what?"

Garnet pointed to Lapis's tray. "You didn't eat your food."

Lapis sighed irritably. "The bell's about to ring in five minutes, it's really no use."

"Hmm." Garnet considered this. "What class do you have next?"

"Um...art."

Garnet nodded. "Then take your tray to go. The teacher doesn't care. Peridot eats in there all the time."

"Great," Lapis said flatly, picking up the tray. She didn't know who Peridot was, either. She sighed in defeat as she made her way to the exit—which, of course, just had to remain stubbornly locked no matter how many times she tugged at the handle. She grit her teeth, her patience wearing thin.

"Come—on—just—fucking— _work—!"_

"Lapis."

Lapis spun around and glared at Garnet. _"What?"_

Garnet strolled up and stared right back at her, unfazed. She gave the door a gentle shove and opened it.

"Push, not pull," she said, and Lapis swore she could faintly make out a wink underneath those dusky glasses.

She felt her cheeks burn as she cleared her throat. "Right. I knew that. Um..." Her eyes flitted from her milk carton to her tater tots to Garnet.

"So, uh..."

"You're welcome."

Lapis huffed. "You didn't know what I was gonna say!"

Garnet adjusted her sunglasses and grinned. "Future vision," she said smugly (whatever _that_ was supposed to mean).

Lapis rolled her eyes and strode out of the cafeteria as the bell rang, muttering "cocky" under her breath.

* * *

Art. Finally. _Art._ The only thing Lapis looked forward to in this school.

Her mother said she may as well have come out of the womb with a box of paints and a pencil in her hands. Priyanka Auntie said the same thing. Her first-ever work of art still hung proudly on her fridge at home; an anatomically incorrect angel with wings made of a miserably shaded excuse for water, floating in space with a mirror held stiffly in her hand.

She had titled it _Meep-Morp._

God, she was a weird kid.

As the years went on, her room eventually became littered with sketchbooks and amorphous wads of clay she had referred to as "works in progress." She hadn't drawn, painted, or sculpted anything in roughly two years, though.

 _"Loss of interest in activities which were once pleasurable is one of the many side effects of depression,"_ her psychiatrist had told her (God, he acted like he knew everything. Eight visits later, and Lapis decided she had had enough of it).

But Lapis knew the answer wasn't simply "the Depression™." It wasn't like she had lost interest in art; she had simply lost her inspiration. And those were two different things entirely.

That's why she was reasonably irked when her mother looked up at her in shock when she had stated that she wanted art to be one of her electives at Quartz Academy. She had wrapped her arms around her and muttered something about how some of her "old baby" was still in Lapis after all.

That comment had...hurt, honestly. But she couldn't let her mother know that.

Lapis hurt everyone else just as equally, after all.

She trudged into the classroom, her stomach growling at her irritably. It certainly didn't help her mood. She was ready to slump into her chair, have some lunch (sans soggy green beans), listen to the teacher idly mutter something about atmospheric perspective or pointillism or some other technique that had nothing to do with what their current assignment, and begin working on her still life study.

Only problem: there was no chair to slump into.

"Uh..." she stared in confusion at the tiny girl occupying her _assigned_ seat at her _assigned_ table; she caught sight of Lapis a mere seconds later and clucked her tongue sympathetically.

 _"School lunch,"_ she said in the most nasally voice Lapis had ever heard in her life. "Pathetic. Who was the clod that told you eating that junk was a good idea, anyways?"

Lapis set the tray at the edge of her ( _assigned!_ ) table and popped another tater tot into her mouth. "Garnet Genevieve Garland," she announced, her mouth still full.

"Oh!" The girl stiffened up immediately. "Garnet." She gave a nervous chuckle, her cheeks slightly red. "Uh—don't tell her I called her that."

"I just might if you don't get out of my seat."

She snorted at Lapis. "Um, excuse me, but you're wrong. All my classes got rescheduled, and since I am now sharing a class with you and have deduced that the seating arrangement here is based on alphabetical order of surnames, this is _my_ seat now. Not yours." She pointed to her right. _"You_ get the one right next to me. It's vacant, anyhow, so it shouldn't be a problem. You are..." she craned her neck, peering at the ID dangling from Lapis's neck. _"Lake-shoo-mee Sag-aur?"_

Lapis cringed at her horrid pronunciation. "Just call me Lapis," she said, sliding into the seat right next to her.

"Lapis...like the gemstone? Lapis lazuli?"

"Yep."

The girl frowned. "I fail to see how that has any connection with the name 'Lake-shoo-mee.'"

"Lakshmi," Lapis corrected her.

"Lak-uhs-mee."

_"Lakshmi."_

She glared at Lapis. "That's what I said!"

Lapis rolled her eyes. "Just say _Lapis."_

She sighed. "Fiiine. Oh, oh! Wait, can I call you Lazuli?"

"Knock yourself out," Lapis muttered, reaching for her milk carton.

"Lazuli!" She knocked Lapis's hand away from the tray, earning herself a nasty glare. She seemed unfazed, however. "That stuff is _disgusting,"_ she said, unzipping her backpack and pulling out a plastic bag. She tossed it over to Lapis. "Eat these. They're infinitely superior."

 _"Infinitely superior,"_ Lapis echoed, incredulous. She examined the bag. "Uh...Cheezy Chaaaps?"

"They're incredible," the girl whispered in awe, picking at the bright green bandaid on her forehead. "The sheer amount of cheddar they've managed to condense into a single slice of processed potato is _astounding."_

"That sounds disgusting."

She scowled. "Would you rather eat that cold, soggy excuse for a vegetable?" she asked, indicating Lapis's green beans.

Lapis shrugged as she opened the bag with a pop. "Fair enough." She tossed a chip into her mouth. Incredibly cheesy and a bit on the salty side, but not too bad. "So," she said, swallowing, "how do I know these aren't laced with poison?"

The girl looked thoroughly offended as she pulled out a dark green bag and opened it (the sour cream and onion variant of chaaaps, Lapis supposed). "Do I look like an assassin to you, Lazuli? Do I look _intimidating_ in any shape or form?"

"Uh..."

She shook her head. "Never mind. Don't answer that. Also, I can't believe you haven't even asked me for my name yet. It's only proper manners! I'm Peridot Rabara." She huffed. "It's like I have to do all the talking around here."

"And I have to do all the reluctant listening," Lapis said under her breath.

Or at least she thought it was under her breath. "I heard that," Peridot informed her with a glare. "If you don't want to talk, then fine. You could have simply told me earlier."

Lapis bit back a _that big mouth of yours didn't give me the chance to_ , fished a 2B pencil out of her backpack, and gazed at the fruits set in the middle of the table, trying to capture them accurately as more students trickled in and filled up her table. She occasionally rewarded her efforts with a cheezy chaaap.

As she glanced up at the clock now and then, she caught a few glimpses of the strange girl sitting next to her, scribbling away on her paper.

Everything about Peridot seemed...too big. Her annoying-ass, pompous voice was too big for her mouth. Her glasses were too big to be supported by her small, pointy nose. Her shock of blonde hair (which wasn't her actual hair color, Lapis noted as she saw jet black roots poking out of her scalp) was too big for her head, making up for her height by sticking straight up and defying all known laws of gravity. The fact that her favorite color seemed to be a loud, obnoxious neon green didn't seem to help, either. The band-aid on her forehead was that color, along with her (ridiculously oversized) backpack adorned with a mismatched array of crudely sewn-on patches: an alien head, a crying waffle (presumably from Crying Breakfast Friends), a diamond...

...the Camp Pining Hearts logo.

Lapis stared at it, her curiosity piqued. "Have you watched the winter special?" she asked, before snapping her mouth shut and immediately regretting it.

Peridot turned around to look at her, confused. "I thought you didn't want to talk to— _oh."_ Her frown slowly gave way to a goofy grin as Lapis mentally kicked herself. She flashed her neon green (what else?) braces at Lapis. "No way, Lazuli. You watch _Camp Pining Hearts?"_

Lapis nodded as she outlined her peach, hoping to end the conversation right there.

Of course she should have known that wouldn't be the case with someone like Peridot.

"Well, of _course_ I've watched the winter special! And the fifth anniversary special. And the Valentine's special—although every day seems to be Valentine's Day in that show, if you know what I mean." She cackled. Just when Lapis thought her _voice_ was the most annoying thing she'd ever heard.

"Mmm."

"I'd have to say seasons two and three are my favorite, though. The dynamics between Percy and Pierre are spectacular! Between you and I, though, season 5?" Peridot shook her head. "A complete and utter mistake."

"Hey. I like Season 5," Lapis shot back defensively.

Peridot scoffed as she crunched on a sour cream and onion chaaap. "Pfft! Of course. _Everyone_ likes Season 5. All the characters were at the beach half-naked. Who _wouldn't_ like that? Two words, Lazuli: _fan. Service."_

And that was pretty much how that conversation went—if it could even be called a conversation, that was. Peridot droned on and on about the Yellow Team and how she hated Paulette (which Lapis didn't take too kindly to), and how she practically worshiped Percierre (which Lapis could kind of see happening, but wasn't the biggest fan of). Needless to say, she was immensely relieved when Peridot decided to turn her attention to her artwork (apparently _her_ conversation was distracting _Peridot_ from being productive. That self-conceited ass).

Lapis was halfway through sketching her banana when she grimaced at the incessant squeaking emanating from underneath the table. God. Even when when Peridot wasn't talking, she _still_ managed to be obnoxious.

"Stop doing whatever that is," Lapis snapped. "It's fucking annoying."

Peridot stared at her for a good minute before the squeaking stopped. "Oh. Uh...sorry." Her voice sounded unusually small as she scooted her chair back and stretched out her legs. "I...can't really help it."

Lapis shot her a glare. "What do you mean you _can't really help—"_ And then she saw them.

Prosthetics. Two of them, one for each leg. Peridot's body stopped around her kneecaps, where two metallic, dark green machines connected to the nubs of flesh.

...Well, _shit._

Lapis's face burned as she stared at Peridot's legs. Stupid her and her big, fucking mouth. "I, uh...sorry." She cleared her throat. "I didn't know."

To her surprise, Peridot just snorted. "Really? That's refreshing to hear," she said, scooting back to the table and balling up her now-empty bag of chaaaps. "It's usually the first thing people notice about me."

"Your prosthetics?"

"Pssh! _Prosthetics?_ That just sounds dreary. I prefer calling them... _limb enhancers."_

"And that just sounds ridiculous."

 _"You're_ just jealous your gravity connectors aren't green. Or shiny." She huffed.

"What the—gravity connectors? You mean _legs?_ God, you're such a nerd."

"And I take pride in it, Lazuli. I take pride."

"Yeah. Whatever." Lapis turned back to her fruit.

"So...what class do you have next?" Lapis groaned. Where was the off switch on this kid?

"Physics," she mumbled, hoping the drab subject matter would repel her. Even Peridot couldn't carry on a conversation about relative velocity.

"Oh! Well, what do you know, Laz?" She pulled out a bright orange sheet of paper from her backpack and thrust it at her, beaming. "That's what I have!" Sure enough, the last row on the schedule of RABARA, PERIDOT read PHYS 1 HON in bold, black letters.

In the words of Garnet: No.

"You've gotta be kidding me," Lapis said.

"Nope! I most certainly am not joking you," she verified. "We're art buddies _and_ physics buddies! Isn't this great? _I_ think it's great, so it must be. Right?"

Lapis merely chewed the edge of her eraser in response and tried not to scream as Peridot flashed her a mouthful of neon green brackets again.

...This was going to be one hell of a year, wasn't it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lapis is desi (of Indian descent)! "Amma" means mother in various south Indian languages, including Tamil (my first language!), Telegu, and Malayalam. Similarly, "Appa" means father (yes, I am also aware it's the name of a particularly famous sky bison. I am well aware). 
> 
> Both "Egan" and "Rabara" are names I picked up from Rose Quartz and Peridot's voice actresses, mainly because I just think they have a really nice ring to them (also, I wanted to make Peridot Filipino, so there we go).
> 
> This fic is gonna have polygems. Lots and lots of polygems. It's going to be a glorious Lapamedotbispearlnet trainwreck by the time it's done.
> 
> I hope the flashback scene fit in well because trust me, this story is going to be flashback-heavy. Flashbacks will be put in italics to prevent any confusion. 
> 
> Updates are going to be reallyyyy slow because my main goals are updating my other fic and focusing on school. That being said, though, any feedback/comments/etc. are greatly appreciated! I am just so, so excited to begin writing this, probably more than I should be, lol! Thank you so much for reading! :)


	2. The S.S. Trainwreck

Apparently, being homeschooled was supposed to be a dream come true for most teenagers. No detention, no strict schedules, no aggravating piece of shit lockers to drive them up the wall.

...Eh. Homeschooling was okay for Lapis. It wasn't some sort of unfathomable paradise everyone assumed it was, though. She still had to wake up at six, for starters. There was no escaping the slope formula or mitosis—she still had to learn, too, courtesy of her overbearing mother (and _her_ just as overbearing, if not more, friend Priyanka Auntie). She would still get grounded for misconduct, so she would do her best to keep track of all her work—but grounding didn't really do much for her anymore anyways. Her mother used to keep Lapis in line with threats of barring her from going to the beach. Lately, however, the only places Lapis would ever spend time in were her bedroom and the living room; occasionally the pantry or fridge. She constantly haunted all four of those places, silent and drawn away, gliding mechanically to the couch with a lion licker in each hand like some sort of perpetually peckish ghost.

But there was one thing public school had that homeschooling didn't (apart from the fragile, inefficient locks they really needed to get a warranty on), Lapis realized as she trudged through the halls, tightly gripping onto the straps of her backpack.

And that was _people._

Lots of them.

They streamed around her in an endless torrent, chattering with one another incessantly. Lapis couldn't make out what they were saying; their voices all mixed in with one another and sloshed around in her ears. All she could make out was an incomprehensible garbling that gave her a faint headache.

Lapis had never really been a people person.

Or at least, she couldn't _remember_ being a people person.

Yes, that summed it up nicely. A majority of her childhood just felt like a hazy blur to her anyways. Vaguely bright and colorful, a persistent smudge painted at the back of her brain and enclosed by an impenetrable glass wall. There was no point in trying to fruitlessly grasp at it. She had figured that out a long time ago. At this point, tight-lipped Lapis was the only Lapis she had any energy to be.

She wished people could just respect that and leave her alone. Then she could finally get some peace of mind.

Instead, what she got was a migraine from the _squeak squeak squeak_ of Peridot's prosthetics as she bounded down the hallway aside Lapis, her bright orange schedule still clutched tightly in her hand.

She had to take long strides to keep up with Lapis's pace, which just made the squeaking worse. Eventually, Lapis gave up and adjusted her pace to Peridot's. That still didn't stop her from talking nonstop, though. It didn't seem like anything would ever change that.

"Do you like physics, Lazuli?" She proceeded to squeak squeak squeak some more, her hair bouncing around her head like an oversized cloud as she spoke.

Lapis raised an eyebrow. "Uh, no?" Who would?

"Really!" Peridot seemed unusually enthralled to take in this information. "I figured you were a down-to-earth sort of individual. The no-nonsense type."

Lapis turned her attention down to the checkerboard of tiles she was walking on. "You don't know anything about me."

"Well, I'd like to!"

She snorted. "Why? What's so interesting about me?"

"You're _different,"_ Peridot decided as Lapis caught a glimpse of her sneakers. They were so neon green that Lapis was afraid Peridot had dropped them in a vat of toxic waste. "Most people don't talk to me unless they want a favor."

"A favor? From _you?"_

Peridot huffed. "Yes, from me! 'Oh, Peridot, my tablet is broken, could you help fix it up like the genius mechanic you are? Hey, Peri, prom is coming up and we're strapped on cash! Could you pull a few strings with that Diamond lady via your incredible charisma and knack for diplomacy?'" She gave a brief, incoherent grumble. "Don't get me wrong. The compliments are appreciated—especially since they're all undeniably true. But the sentiments behind them...not so much."

"Huh." Lapis chewed on her bottom lip as they continued down the hall, an unusually tight feeling in her chest.

"So...people use you. Like you're a tool."

It was a sickening feeling she knew all too well.

This time, as Peridot's _squeak squeak squeak_ hit her ears, she couldn't help but feel sorry for her. Perhaps Lapis was an ass, but she wasn't that much of an ass.

Right?

Peridot gave a noncommittal grunt. "If you want to put it that way. But no matter! Let's lighten up a bit, Lazuli. Just think of next period! It'll be just you, me, and the various laws governing the mechanics of the Earth. Doesn't that make you _excited?"_

And there went that temporary pang of pity Lapis had felt for her. Apparently, forty-five minutes of trying (and failing) to finish up her still life with Peridot's incessant prattling in the background wasn't enough; now, she had to put up with Mr. Maheswaran droning on about vectors and Peridot droning on about Percierre (this girl...she really had an odd eye for ships, Lapis would give her that).

"Can't wait," she said with a sigh as she continued to stare down at the linoleum-glazed floor.

"Uh...Lazuli."

Lapis grit her teeth. "What? Did you expect me to be beside myself with joy? I don't even _know_ you! I met you an hour ago! And I don't even like this class!"

"Lazuli! You should—"

"I should what?" Lapis snapped. "Be more like you? I don't want to. Full offense. Don't tell me who I should be. I've had enough of that shit thrown at me to last a lifetime. I hate this fucking class and I hate this fucking school and I _hate_ —"

She was promptly cut off by a faceful of concrete and a blow to her forehead as she walked right into a pillar.

Lapis stumbled back, staring at it in disbelief as Peridot sighed in the background. "I was _trying_ to warn you to move, but clearly you were preoccupied with other matters. Hey—what are you mad at _me_ for?" she protested, holding her arms up in defense as Lapis shot her a glare.

She rubbed her forehead and growled. She had been patient. She had been patient all week. She had been patient with that catcalling creep in math. Patient with her ridiculously elusive locker that seemed to reset its combo every single day. Patient with having complete strangers thrust food into her face and strike up conversation and suddenly think that made them her best friends.

But now? Her patience had taken a nosedive into the negatives just like that stupid parabola she had to graph in pre-cal.

"Er—Lazuli," Peridot called out meekly, stretching an arm out towards her, "the late bell's about to ring at any moment, and frankly, I—"

"Why would you put a FUCKING PILLAR right in the middle of a GODDAMN SCHOOL HALLWAY?!"

"Um..." Peridot faltered and gaped at her. Her glasses slid an inch or two down her face before it occurred to her to readjust them. "Physics?" she offered, smiling sheepishly. "That roof isn't going to hold itself."

"WHO THE HELL CARES ABOUT THE FUCKING ROOF? IT CAN FALL DOWN ON ME FOR ALL I CARE! I DON'T EVEN WANNA BE HERE!"

"Lazuli, people are starting to stare," Peridot muttered.

"I don't give a shit," Lapis hissed, storming off. She tried to ignore the concerned murmuring surrounding her as she dug her nails into her backpack straps, heat creeping up into her cheeks. Luckily, the late bell rang over them and let everyone know that the show was over.

Oh, God, she hoped none of what just happened would reach the ears of her parents.

For the record? Pears soap did not taste like pears. At all.

"Lazuli!"

Lapis twirled around on her heels to meet face-to-face with a wide-eyed Peridot.

 _"What?"_ she snapped. "Is there a fucking oak tree growing down the hall that I should watch out for, too?"

Peridot blinked. "Uh...no." She jabbed a thumb behind her. "Class is..." She cleared her throat. "Class is that way."

"...Oh." That certainly didn't help Lapis's face stop burning. She solemnly met up with Peridot, who was _squeak squeak squeaking_ towards the end of the hallway. "I knew that."

* * *

Lapis hated walking into class late. Even if she did have to learn while being homeschooled, at least twenty other people weren't gawking at her like she'd grown an extra head if she'd slipped behind her schedule a little.

This time, someone actually had the audacity to laugh. It was grating, wheezy, and sounded like a broken hairdryer.

"Hey! You're the one who cussed out the pillar!" a girl called out from one of the tables. She wiped a tear from her eye and snorted. "Dude. That was _golden."_

Before Lapis could come up with a retort, Mr. Maheswaran strode up to her from his whiteboard on the opposite side of the classroom.

"Lakshmi," he said with a nod before turning his gaze to the left. "And you must be Peridot. It's great to have another young mind here who's fascinated about the laws that govern our world!"

"Actually, my mom made me," Peridot muttered offhandedly.

Lapis snorted and then quickly dug the lower part of her face into her elbow to pass it off as a sneeze. Mr. Maheswaran blinked at her. He offered them both a weak smile, fiddling with his tie. It was a faded red, Lapis noted; the one he always wore to fancy events when a kurta didn't exactly fit the bill. Lapis's mother had told her that he actually had a tie with various physics equations scrawled all over it that he was planning to wear before Priyanka Auntie promptly shut him down ("For goodness' sake, Doug! You're trying to teach, not make a fashion statement!").

Lapis, for one, was glad.

He used to be a cop, which, in her opinion, was far more interesting than his current occupation. He probably thought so too, but then Connie came along and he and his wife decided that it was better to have a job that was a bit safer and predictable (Lapis supposed that made sense, but then again, it wasn't like he was going to drag his toddler into the midst of a bank robbery, even if it _was_ bring your child to work day. Overprotective parents, she supposed. Occasionally a blessing, occasionally a curse. Mostly a curse).

"Well...it's good to have you here regardless," Mr. Maheswaran said. "Just try to make it before the bell next time. These forty-five minute periods make us stretched for time as it is. And, er...bless you." He frowned in confusion at Lapis before walking back to the whiteboard.

Lapis dropped her bag and sunk into the seat nearest to the door. She jerked her head up a bit upon hearing Peridot make some sort of inhuman noise and bolt over to the last table in Lapis's row. She watched curiously as the four other students there waved at Peridot excitedly; she promptly took a seat in between the short, chubby girl who had laughed at Lapis about the pillar incident and a taller girl with sunglasses masking her expression—Garnet. Peridot was grinning at them all like an idiot, flashing neon green braces every which way.

And then her gaze met Lapis's.

Before she could turn away, Peridot mouthed _sit over here_ while pointing to an empty chair across from her, to which Lapis mouthed a blunt _no._

Peridot rolled her eyes and mouthed _stick in the mud._ Lapis stuck her tongue out and turned away, digging through her bag for her phone and a pair of earbuds.

It wasn't that Mr. Maheswaran was bad at explaining things in an interesting way—not at all.

He was _absolutely_ _terrible_ at it.

Or perhaps it was just this particular subject. Either way, she could probably scrape by with a C, perhaps even a B. Mr. Maheswaran seemed like the multiple choice kind of guy more than the free response type. She proceeded to stuff the buds into her ears and open up her playlist when she heard the _clip clop_ of oxfords headed her way. She glanced up to see Mr. Maheswaran frowning over her disapprovingly.

"Lakshmi, what do you have to say for yourself?"

"...Fuck," Lapis said without thinking.

The entire class started giggling as she sank lower into her seat.

"No electronic devices in class," Mr. Maheswaran said, motioning for Lapis to put her phone up. "And certainly no profanity," he added, raising an eyebrow.

"Right. Right. Sorry, Doug," she said, unceremoniously shoving her phone into her back pocket and waving him away. That got another laugh out of the class. Lapis bit her lip.

"Doug" cleared his throat. "Mr. Maheswaran, Lakshmi," he said, as if trying to convince himself as well. "I only go by Doug outside of school." He drummed his fingers on Lapis's table. "I'm letting you off with a warning this time. If I see your phone out again, it's cafeteria duty. Do you understand?"

Lapis groaned and planted a hand on her forehead. "I understand," she muttered.

It didn't mean she had to like it, though.

Mr. Maheswaran nodded. "Good." He headed back to the whiteboard and clapped his hands together. "So! Even if it's not necessary for graduation or seems like a _waste of your time_ (Lapis flinched a bit at that not-so-subtle jab), Physics 1 Honors is a handy asset to have on any college application—not to mention that it's useful for everyday life as well. Centripetal force and Kepler's Laws allow you to calculate satellite orbits. Knowing the properties of momenta can help save lives in car crashes! But," Mr. Maheswaran said, chuckling slightly, "I suppose I'm getting ahead of myself. To get to the big stuff, we have to start small. I'm assuming everyone remembers the lesson on speed versus velocity from last cla—"

"Speed is a scalar whose sole component is magnitude while velocity is a vector with both direction and magnitude!" Lapis heard someone blurt out from the other end of the classroom.

"Woah, P. Chill," someone muttered back. "He didn't even finish the question."

Said he didn't seem to mind, however. He grinned. "That's right, Pearl!" He uncapped a black marker and started drawing two (attempts at) straight lines on the board. "Direction is a crucial component of velocity. Today, we'll be focusing on graphing velocity through displacement time graphs before getting into a brand-new kind of graph for velocity over time..."

Lapis tried to listen.

She really did.

...Okay, maybe she gave up after a bit. But at least she had made a sincere effort for the first five minutes.

It didn't really help that her stomach was complaining the whole time. Three tater tots and a bag of Cheezy Chaaaps (which actually had more air in it than actual chaaaps) wasn't exactly a satisfying meal.

Lapis hoped they had ramen at home.

She also hoped she wouldn't be called on, because frankly, she had no idea what all those intersecting lines on the board were.

"—Can someone tell me what the diagonal here represents?"

Yes, someone could tell him. Someone that wasn't Lapis, that was.

"Anyone? Lakshmi?"

Well, shit.

"Oh—uh..." Lapis's eyes darted all over the board, desperate to pick up any trace of information she could from the strange lines and letters sprawled all over it.

"The, uh...the time," she blurted out. "Over, um...the velocity times the, uh, speed...equals the— displacement?" she finished hopefully.

Mr. Maheswaran gave Lapis a long, slow, blink before he sighed wearily and put his head in his hands. "You're...you're just stringing random terms together and hoping I'll be too tired to notice, aren't you?"

"It's displacement over time, Lazuli!" Peridot chimed in helpfully from a few tables over. More laughter.

"It is," Mr. Maheswaran agreed. "Lakshmi, why don't you move over to Peridot's table while we do a few worksheets? It would probably be beneficial in improving your, ah, comprehension skills ( _ouch_. Doug was just being exceptionally discreet today, wasn't he?)."

Lapis raised an eyebrow at him. "And by why don't you, you mean I have no choice, do I?"

"Absolutely not," he replied amicably.

"Yeah," Lapis grumbled, picking up her bag and maneuvering her way to the end of her row. "I thought so."

"Hey, we got ourselves a table crasher!" A big, burly girl with...rainbow dreadlocks(??? Oh, forget it. Lapis was done trying to understand the loopholes to dress code at this school) shot Lapis a grin as she settled into her seat. "Lakshmi, right?"

"Actually, it's Lak-uhs-mee," Peridot interjected.

"Uh, no. She's right," Lapis said. "Lakshmi. But I go by Lapis."

"Huh!" She chuckled. "Byssa," she said, giving her a lopsided smile. "But I go by Bismuth. Anything else we should know about you?"

"She hates square pizza," Garnet informed them.

"Ha!" The short girl sitting next to Peridot smacked the table and snorted. "You and me both, buddy."

Garnet winced. "Amethyst. Too loud."

"Oh." Amethyst frowned and deflated a bit. "Sorry, dude."

"Dude forgives you."

Amethyst grinned. "Sweet." She turned to smile at Lapis as she fiddled with a strand of her hair—although Lapis supposed it would be more fitting to call it a mane.

Lapis had never considered lavender to be a noisy color, but perhaps Amethyst was just the kind of person who made everything look outlandish. Her black crop top informed Lapis in bold, white lettering that "I FLEXED AND THE SLEEVES FELL OFF," except sleeves were, in fact, poking out; Amethyst had dodged dress code (ah, so there were some exceptions after all) by wearing a considerably paint splattered white tee underneath. Purple skinny jeans peppered with holes in them, too, Lapis noted as Amethyst leaned back in her chair and propped her legs up on the table. Her shoes were scuffed, untied, and two completely different brands.

"Welcome aboard the S.S. Trainwreck," Amethyst announced, licking her lips. "We're all freaks here."

"Keepin' Beach City weird for seventeen years," Bismuth agreed.

"Hey." Amethyst huffed. "That's _you._ I'm still sixteen. Stop reminding me that I'm a runt." Peridot started snickering.

"You may be a runt, but you're _our_ runt," Bismuth said with a wink. "You, too, shortstack," she added, staring pointedly at Peridot.

"Hey!" She puffed out her chest indignantly and narrowed her eyes at Bismuth. "I am _not_ a short—"

"Amethyst, feet belong on the floor."

Lapis turned around to see yet another girl approaching, hugging a stack of papers to her chest. She dealt out them out across the table with the expertise of a card dealer, smoothed out her pastel pink hijab with a perfectly manicured hand, and glanced quizzically at Lapis before she took a seat.

Amethyst grumbled, but lowered her feet nonetheless. "What are you, Pearl, my mom?"

Pearl shifted uncomfortably and sighed. "Do you want to get sent to detention again?"

Amethyst snorted. "Dude, you don't get detention for propping your feet up! That's not a crime!"

"It is if said feet are criminally odorous," Peridot said, pinching her nose (her voice sounded even more nasally, if that was possible).

Amethyst whipped around to look at her. "Per, are you saying you _sniffed my feet?"_

 _"What?!"_ Peridot looked horrified. "No! The stench was just so awful that I—"

Amethyst cackled. "What, you want some of this?" She tossed her hair (i.e., mane) into Peridot's face, causing her to splutter. "Eau de Amethyst?" she drawled in a horribly fake French accent.

"Ack—rrgh—stop it!" Peridot scowled and shoved her away. "You smell like stale donuts," she muttered, crossing her arms.

Amethyst grinned. "And you know you love it."

Pearl gave a resounding snap, calling everyone to attention. "If we're done here," she said, raising an eyebrow, "I'd _like_ to get started on these worksheets before class is over." She looked over at Lapis again, and her eyebrows looked like they were about to arch right off of her face. "And you are?"

"Lapis," she responded, before peering at the paper and frowning. "And I have no fucking clue what any of this means."

Pearl stiffened. "No profanity in class!" she whispered fiercely.

"Aw, come on P!" Amethyst said, smirking. "You too scared to say _fuck?"_

_"Amethyst!"_

"Damn straight," came a voice from the other side of Peridot.

Pearl huffed in exasperation. "Garnet, not you too!"

"Ahem! All this conversation over here makes me assume we're close to being finished?"

Pearl nearly jumped out of her seat as her eyes met Mr. Maheswaran's. "Er—of course!" She fidgeted with her hands. "Just a few more graphs to complete and, uh—"

"Good," he said distractedly, straightening his coat and running a hand through his hair. "Because I'll be gone right when the bell rings. Connie has a cold and, frankly, having a hypochondriac doctor for a wife doesn't exactly help."

Lapis chuckled. "Good luck dealing with her."

He gave her a tired smile. "I'll do my best. And I'll pick these up on Monday," he hastily added as the bell rang shrilly to signal the end of class. "Excellent job, Pearl, I knew I could count on you!"

"Count on me," Pearl mumbled weakly, staring down at her blank worksheet as Mr. Maheswaran dashed out of the classroom.

Bismuth looked at Lapis curiously. "You know him?"

Lapis shrugged as she got up and reached for her backpack. "My parents are friends of his."

Peridot peered across the table and frowned. "And what other secrets are you keeping from us, Lazuli?"

Amethyst snorted. "Dude. _Lazuli?"_

"Yeah, like _Lapis?_ Lapis lazuli? I know," Peridot said, beaming. "It's genius. You know, at first, I was thinking about calling her..."

Lapis strode off before she could hear the rest. She didn't know what Peridot wanted to call her, and she was sure she could live without finding out. Students began to filter out, leaving the classroom as empty as her stomach.

"Lapis, wait!"

Her hand froze just above the door handle. She turned around, hoping this would be quick. These people were keeping her from her ramen.

Pearl stood in front of her, holding two slips of paper. Lapis stared at her in confusion.

"Yeah?"

"Here," she said, offering her one of the slips. "Our numbers. I expect you on the group chat later tonight so we can finish that worksheet up."

"...Oh." Lapis blinked as Pearl looked at her expectantly. She reached out for the strip and shoved it into her back pocket. "Thanks," she mumbled, ready to turn around when Pearl thrust another sheet in her face.

"Uh..." Lapis squinted. "This one's blank," she pointed out.

"I'm aware," Pearl said, fishing a pen out of her jeans and placing it in Lapis's hand. "No use giving you our numbers if we don't have yours, too."

Lapis nodded and placed the slip up against the wall, scrawling her number on it before handing it back to Pearl, who turned back to Garnet, Peridot, Amethyst, and Bismuth and yelled, "Everyone, I got Lapis's number!"

And then she promptly turned the color of her hijab and fiercely declared "it wasn't like that" as Amethyst guffawed and Bismuth muttered something about "taking things too fast."

* * *

The bus was stuffy, the bus smelled, the bus had a broken air conditioner.

But the bus meant that school was finally over. And it meant that Lapis would be _alone._

_Finally._

No one sat next to her because no one knew her. Her mother had gone all misty-eyed when Lapis had informed her of this, but Lapis herself? She didn't mind at all. She slumped into the frontmost seat and sighed. Being alone was exactly what she needed.

"Yo, Lap!"

...Unfortunately for her, the universe didn't seem to give two shits about what she needed.

Lapis straightened up and turned around to meet Amethyst, holding two half-eaten candy bars in each hand and wearing a chocolate-smeared grin on her face.

Lapis frowned. "You...wanna sit here, don't you?"

"Yep," Amethyst said, popping the p and tearing a chunk out of her left candy bar.

She sighed in defeat. "...And it'd be rude of me to say no, wouldn't it?"

Amethyst shrugged. "Pretty rude. Plus, you're cloggin' up the bus." The bus driver glared at them through the rearview mirror as if on cue.

"Alright," Lapis said, yanking her backpack from the edge of her seat and dropping it sharply onto her lap. "Whatever."

Amethyst slid in shamelessly and finished up a candy bar. She thrust the other in Lapis's general direction as the bus started moving. "Wah wuh?" she asked through a mouthful of nougat.

Lapis wrinkled her nose. "No thanks."

Amethyst swallowed and pouted. "Oh, c'mon. Didn't your parents ever tell you to always take candy from strangers?"

"Uh, I think it was the other way around."

"Eh. Whatevs." Amethyst then proceeded to wolf down the remaining bar at breakneck speed. "Plenty more where that came from if you change your mind though," she said, patting her worn-out backpack.

Lapis raised an eyebrow. "I'll keep that in mind," she deadpanned.

And then the conversation ended. Thank God. Lapis leaned against the bus window and slowly closed her eyes, welcoming the rhythmic cranking of the bus's engine and the stale smell of gasoline to lull her to sleep.

"So, where'd you come from?"

Lapis yelped as she hit the side of her head on the glass and shot up. "A small town pretty far from here," she said, rubbing her temples and glaring at Amethyst. "It's called Nunya. Nunya fucking business."

Amethyst blinked at her before giving a long, low whistle. "Wooow. Who shoved a stick up _your_ ass?"

Lapis sighed. "Sorry," she muttered, a hand tracing over one of the zippers on her backpack. "I know I'm being an asshole. I just...really, really do _not_ wanna be here."

Amethyst snickered. "I know. You were kinda yelling about it right in the middle of the hallway an hour ago."

"Oh." Lapis cleared her throat, her face burning. "Guess I was."

"It was _great._ I mean, dude, you embarrassed Peridot. _Peridot._ Nothing embarrasses Peri!"

"Yeah," Lapis mumbled, sliding further into her seat. "I get it. I'm the exception for a lot of things, I guess," she said, staring out the window as the bus drove by three teens chatting to one another excitedly, grins plastered on each of their faces.

What did that feel like?

To be so damn _happy_ like that?

Lapis should have known what it felt like, judging from the various photos strewn across the walls of her house. She'd glance at the pictures from time to time, on her way to the bathroom or the next marathon of Camp Pining Hearts. One was six-year-old her in a dark blue bathing suit, wet, sand-sprinkled hair in pigtails as she donned a gap-toothed grin and squinty eyes from smiling so wide. Another was of nine-year-old her, her hair in a flouncy bob, blowing a raspberry at the camera as she held a whoopie cushion each hand.

It wasn't like she needed to jog her memory or anything. She could recall it all. She could remember her first swim at the beach and her odd fascination with fart jokes. They were all things she had experienced. They were all part of her life!

But then she'd take one look in the mirror and realize she was nothing but a huge, fucking liar.

Her hair hung limp and lifeless from her scalp, grazing the edge of her chin and framing her roundish, perpetually frowning face. Her eyes were constantly half-lidded, shadowy bags as dark as coffee stains painted underneath them. Thin lips curved downard; thick eyebrows curved upward, making her look like she was always unspeakably sad and discontent with life.

Perhaps she was.

"You know, it's not all that bad here," she heard Amethyst say, jolting her back to reality. "This school was Rose's dream. She was always fascinated with the world. And she wanted to give everyone a chance to learn about it, too. See the beauty in it, all that philosophical junk." Her voice had gone unusually soft. "And Pearl and Garnet and Bismuth and Peri...well, they're real good friends. Never woulda met them if it weren't for school. I almost feel like...like I'm their family, y'know?" She sighed and shook her head. "I know you don't want a sob story, so I'll spare you the sappy stuff. Look, Lapis," she said, staring right at her. "You can give this place a try, give some people a chance, and maybe, just maybe, you can actually end up having some fun. _Or_ you can choose to shove that stick up your ass even further," she said with a shrug. "Your choice. So, whaddya say?"

Lapis's eyes traced the paint splatters on Amethyst's undershirt, rivulets of black and purple and blue and red and green that she followed upwards until she got to the "I FLEXED AND THE SLEEVES FELL OFF" and her short neck and her chubby, brown face and stubby nose and smattering of freckles and dark brown eyes, all pointed expectantly in Lapis's direction.

"You got another one of those candy bars?" she said finally.

Amethyst grinned and reached down to unzip her backpack. "Thought you'd never ask."

* * *

"She's back!" Lapis's father announced the moment she stepped inside.

As Lapis peeled off her socks, she heard tense orchestral music coming from the living room, informing her that her mom was watching Under the Knife (Priyanka Auntie had never taken a liking to that show—she said it wasn't an accurate representation of what went on in the operating room. Lapis had never taken a liking to it because, in all honesty, the pointless swishing made by the obviously fake knives and the melodramatic sobs about patients "not making it" was just plain stupid. Don't tell her mother she said that).

"Lakshmi!" Lapis heard her call from the living room as she made a beeline for the pantry. "How was school?"

Just as she was about to open her mouth to respond, her butt started vibrating.

She turned around, digging the phone out of her back pocket. She had nearly forgotten how it felt to receive a notification—she hadn't gotten one for weeks, and when she did, it was usually just an e-mail about the Camp Pining Hearts newsletter (and yes, it _was_ well worth the 1.99 subscription per month. Staying up to date didn't come cheap, but spending money on this was certainly better than spending money on those discount, schmaltzy romance novels her dad seemed to be reading every other day. Don't tell her father she said that, either).

 _You have been added to Crystal Gems Study Group,_ Lapis's lock screen announced. She frowned in confusion, but slid to the right to view the chat regardless.

 **[+1-(667)-603-9992]:** There, I added her.

 **[+1-(667)-320-7587]:** nice

 **[+1-(667)-320-7587]:** but do you think she'll respond

 **[+1-(667)-320-7587]:** i mean, she wasn't exactly chatty with us in physics, maybe she doesn't want to talk to us

 **[+1-(667)-288-1063]:** she must. it's inevitable

 **[+1-(667)-934-0661]:** ...IS THIS ONE OF YOUR "FUTURE VISION" THINGS AGAIN

 **[+1-(667)-288-1063]:** yes

 **[+1-(667)-603-9992]:** Is 7:00 an appropriate time for everyone?

 **[+1-(667)-035-1904]:** yeah im just gonna be loungin at garnets watchin lil butler all night

 **[+1-(667)-934-0661]:** I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ARE SO INVESTED IN THE ANTICS OF THAT OLD MAN WITH THE EERILY PREPUBESCENT VOICE. THAT'S NOT HOW BUTLERS WORK

 **[+1-(667)-035-1904]:** ...dude

 **[+1-(667)-035-1904]:** is there a goddamn handbook for how butlers work or something

 **[+1-(667)-320-7587]:** it's suspension of disbelief, dot

 **[+1-(667)-035-1904]:** exactly ty

 **[+1-(667)-320-7587]:** your welcome

 **[+1-(667)-934-0661]:** ...

 **[+1-(667)-320-7587]:** oh shit

 **[+1-(667)-035-1904]:** here it comes

 **[+1-(667)-934-0661]:** MY WELCOME WHAT?

 **[+1-(667)-934-0661]:** NYEHEHEH!

 **[+1-(667)-320-7587]** has left the chat

 **[+1-(667)-934-0661]:** WAIT BISMUTH COME BACK

 **[+1-(667)-934-0661]:** I'M SORRY

 **[+1-(667)-288-1063]** has left the chat

 **[+1-(667)-934-0661]:** STOP

 **[+1-(667)-603-9992]** has left the chat

 **[+1-(667)-934-0661]:** I AM FUNNY YOU GUYS JUST DON'T APPRECIATE IT

 **[+1-(667)-934-0661]:** ...AT LEAST I HAVE YOU, AMETHYST

 **[+1-(667)-603-9992]** has joined the chat

 **[+1-(667)-035-1904]:** actually i was just too lazy to leave

 **[+1-(667)-934-0661]:** AND I CAN APPRECIATE THAT

 **[+1-(667)-603-9992]:** Don't encourage her, Peridot.

_"Lakshmi!"_

Lapis jerked her head up from her phone. "Yeah?" she called back.

"How was school? I've asked you five times!"

"Oh—sorry. Uh..." Lapis's eyes darted from the phone ( **[+1-(667)-320-7587]:** i swear dot if you do that ONE more time) to the kitchen tile to the open pantry door before she sighed and flicked on the light, venturing inside.

"It was fine," she said, rummaging through the boxes. "Do we have any ramen?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I slyly referenced the "let Pearl say fuck" meme in there. I feel like I should be ashamed but I'm oddly proud.
> 
> The group chat scene was by far one of my favorite things to write. Peridot would totally jump on everyone's typos all the time.
> 
> Anyways, here's some bullets if you are curious about a few references!
> 
> -Pears soap is a translucent soap that comes in various colors (I personally love how the electric blue one looks, very aesthetic), and is popular throughout India. It's also sold at Indian grocery stores in America.
> 
> -A kurta is a type of Indian tunic; the more casual ones are for everyday wear, but the fancier ones are for special occasions, like weddings, banquets, and the like.
> 
> -Connie and Steven are both toddlers in this fic since it takes place four years after Rose's death. In case anyone is curious, yes! They will be making brief appearances later on!
> 
> -667 is the area code for Ocean City, Maryland. I figured it would fit Beach City pretty well.
> 
> Thanks for reading once more! Comments/thoughts/feedback and such are greatly appreciated! Until next time! :)


	3. I Blame the Cows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I'm really sorry for the long wait. I hope it's worth it, though!
> 
> We're finally delving into some ship tease and hints of Polygems. Stay tuned for more in the future!

Lapis soon learned that lunch at public school translated roughly into "free period to do homework that's due next class."

But she told herself she'd never do that. Time for eating meant time for _eating_ —food wasn't something she took lightly. She was always constantly munching on something. Her mother would scold her every time she emptied out the snack section of the pantry. Lapis would then respond by proceeding to raid the fridge. Food was necessary, food was comforting, and frankly, food was just damn _good._ Well, most of the time, anyways.

And besides, she had art right after lunch. She couldn't exactly work on an assignment that was due next class.

But she _could_ work on an assignment that was due the class after.

She sighed as she slapped her physics worksheet onto her table and whipped out a pencil, gazing forlornly at her untouched Thermos and baggie full of cheeseballs. The entire place was dappled in sunlight, beams poking through the trees towering above her. She kicked at the mulch underneath her restlessly. At least the courtyard was quiet. Quiet was something Lapis hadn't had nearly enough of in the past week.

"Forgive me," she muttered to her food, turning to glare at her unfinished graphs.

"I don't think your lunch has the capacity to respond."

 _"Fuck!"_ Lapis twirled around on her bench and nearly fell off. Moments later, she was met face to face with oversized, green-tinted glasses and a mouthful of shiny metal brackets.

She groaned. "What are _you_ doing here?"

Peridot huffed. "Wonderful to see you, too, Lazuli," she said, plopping down onto the bench and yanking on the velcro strap of her (pastel yellow, surprisingly) lunchbox. "Absolutely splendid."

"How did you even sneak up on me?"

"'Cause I'm a master of stealth! Isn't it obvious—? Er." She faltered at the long, hard stare Lapis was giving her. She sighed. "I, uh...may have walked here without bending my knees," she mumbled hurriedly and then cleared her throat.

Lapis snorted, trying to ignore the beginnings of a smile tugging on the corners of her face. This girl was _impossible._ "What? Why?"

"Well, I figured you would just abandon me if you _knew_ I was coming," she replied with a scoff. She pulled out a metal container and balanced it on her knees, right where her flesh met her prosthetics.

"You didn't have to come here, though."

"I'm aware. I came here out of the goodness of my heart, Lazuli. I can help you with your physics homework, you know," Peridot replied nonchalantly, stabbing a fork into her food. "My acute depth of perception—or _hunch,_ as Amethyst calls it—informs me that you're not finished with it yet. But, of course, if you're not willing to accept my offer..." she trailed off, raising her eyebrows.

Lapis rolled her eyes. "Okay. _Fine."_ She slid the worksheet over to Peridot and chucked the pencil over as well. She crossed her arms. "Maybe I'm just stupid and I can't fucking do it. You got me."

"...Literally _every_ answer was in the group chat."

"And what?" Lapis asked, reaching for her Thermos. "You thought I'd actually read all that crap?"

"All that—ahem— _crap_ is what's going to help you pass the class, Lazuli," Peridot said, frowning.

"What, you making everyone keep leaving the chat by correcting their typos? That's gonna help me?" She twisted the lid of her Thermos open and inhaled the aroma of cilantro. "Or wait, is it how you and Amethyst argue over Camp Pining Hearts and Lil Butler? Maybe it's—I—shit," she finished as Peridot's mouth curled up into a sickeningly simpering smile.

"You read the chat, Lazuli, didn't you?" she singsonged (although it sounded more like the tinny, persistent whine of a particularly obnoxious mosquito).

Lapis kicked Peridot's leg before realizing she wouldn't feel it. "Shut up." She dug into a spoonful of rice.

"You _care_ about us— _ow!"_ Peridot yelped as Lapis slugged her in the arm, where she _could_ feel the pain. She grumbled and shot her a glare. "You know, if you're going to be a part of the Crystal Gems, you better start acting nicer," she said, rubbing her arm.

"Why are you called the Crystal Gems, anyway? That's so..." Lapis frowned. "Redundant."

"Hey, don't look at me! It was Pearl's idea. I wanted to call us Team Yellow in homage to Percy, but I sadly got overruled."

"Unfortunate," Lapis said impassively, shoveling another spoon of rice into her mouth. She motioned to Peridot's container with her elbow. "What's that?"

She looked up. "Huh? Oh, lomi." She twirled what appeared to be a few noodles around her fork and shoved it in Lapis's face. "Would you like to try some?"

"I would _like_ for you to get your beef out of my face."

"For your information, it's _pork,"_ she said, lowering her fork back into her container. She blinked. "You don't eat meat?"

Lapis shook her head. "Indian thing."

Peridot narrowed her eyes and scooted closer to Lapis at an alarmingly quick rate. "Seafood?" she asked, incredulous.

"No."

"How on _Earth_ do you get your protein?"

Lapis shrugged. "I dunno, beans and stuff. Why on _Earth_ do you have noodle arms?"

Peridot scowled. "Hey! I do _not_ have noodle—" she faltered as her tiny fist weakly challenged Lapis's arm and failed miserably to make any sort of impact.

"You're right. Maybe it's just that you're a lousy shot."

"Lazuli! What did I just say about being nice?"

Lapis responded silently with a mouthful of rice and a hand gesture that made Peridot gasp and shoot a foot up from her seat.

And then Lapis made a terrible mistake.

She chuckled.

Peridot gaped at her for a solid minute before she snickered right back and sat down once more. "Wow. I never knew you were capable of such an action."

Lapis rolled her eyes. "Shut up," she said, before realizing that was an action Peridot was most likely not capable of doing. "Why aren't you with the others? Bet they're missing you and your big mouth right about now."

"Well, while I'm certain they're sorely missing my presence—who wouldn't!—(Lapis could vouch for who wouldn't, but she kept that to herself) they are all...preoccupied at the moment." She cleared her throat. "Pearl is at the library and Bismuth is forging—"

Lapis nearly shot up out of her seat. "What the _fuck?_ Money? Signatures?"

Peridot rolled her eyes. "Don't be ridiculous! _Swords."_

That...was even _more_ ridiculous than money or signatures.

"—And Garnet is on an, er...excursion—"

"And you don't know where to."

"—And Amethyst is busy as well! So as you can see—"

"They're all ditching you."

Peridot gaped at her. "What?! What a preposterous notion, Lazuli!" She sprayed bits of noodles out of her mouth and pointed her fork at Lapis accusingly. "What would they even be _doing_ without me?"

"Something fun?" she suggested.

"Like..." Peridot gasped. "Like watching all seven seasons of Camp Pining Hearts in succession without being enlightened by my insightful commentary on Percierre dynamics?"

"Uh...sure."

Peridot scowled and put a hand to her bandaid. "Ugh! Of _course_ that must be what they're doing. I mean, what else could be as fun as that?"

"They're hormonal teenagers. Maybe they're making out under the bleachers or something."

"I—wha— _Lazuli_ —I—"

She shrugged. "Library's a good place too, I guess," she said, struggling to keep her tone even as Peridot continued sputtering and opening and closing her mouth like a dying fish. "Lots of bookshelves to hide behind."

When she finally spoke, her voice was meek and her eyes were darting all over the place. "Er...now that you mention it, I do recall Amethyst heading in the direction of the library..."

Lapis snorted. "Knew it. She's probably—"

"They."

Lapis blinked. "What?"

"Amethyst is a they," Peridot said before blinking as well. "Well, today, anyhow. From what I know."

"Amethyst is...one person."

Peridot raised an eyebrow at her. "And?"

...Fair enough. She shrugged at Peridot again.

"Well, point still stands. They're probably sucking face with Pearl in the comics section or something."

Peridot narrowed her eyes in confusion. _"Why?"_

"It's high school."

Peridot scoffed. "It's beginning to sound more like the love triangle in Camp Pining Hearts."

"Wait... _triangle?"_

"Gah!" Peridot launched herself up from the bench, her glasses flying out onto the mulch. She snatched them back up and slapped them back onto her face crookedly before storming back to the table with a series of angry mechanical squeaks.

"Shut up, Lazuli!"

Lazuli did not, in fact, shut up. She stared at Peridot in wonder.

"...You _like_ one of them? Holy _shit."_ She snickered slightly before continuing her interrogation, much to Peridot's chagrin. "Pearl?"

She pouted like a child and crossed her arms. "Hmmph."

"I'll take that as a no. Amethyst?"

There was a long, uneasy silence before Peridot finally spoke, crossing her legs with her elbows still plastered together rigidly.

"Both are...aesthetically pleasing," she muttered.

Well, _this_ was certainly turning out to be interesting.

"No way," Lapis muttered back, trying not to smile. "No fucking way. This is a fucking Camp Pining love triangle. Holy _shit."_

"—If you would just stop getting us kicked out of the library!"

She heard the voice emanating from a few feet away, authoritative and slightly huffy.

She wasn't surprised that it was Pearl's.

She was walking with Amethyst, a frown of disapproval set deep into her face.

"Yeah, yeah," Amethyst drawled back, rolling their (his? her?) eyes, mane of lavender tamed into a bouncy ponytail held by an enormous, black scrunchie. "No more burritos in Nerdy McSnoozeville. Got it. Honestly, P, how can you even _stand_ the library?"

Pearl sighed. "We both know the burrito _itself_ wasn't the problem."

"Hey, that guy had it comin'. I swear, he was just about ready to grab my ass. Spilling a little hot sauce on his scarf isn't the end of the world. 'Sides, that was an ugly shade of blue."

Lapis could agree with that.

Peridot gave a small shriek and uncrossed her legs. She glared at Lapis. "They're _right here!_ Don't say it so loudly!" she hissed.

"Say what so loudly?"

 _"Eep!"_ Peridot's shoulders squared as she whipped around to meet Amethyst. "Nothing!" she declared, her voice rising nearly an octave in defense. "Nothing."

Amethyst snickered. "If ya say so. So, uh...G still out?"

Peridot sighed. "Yes. I just wish she'd tell us where to for once."

"Eh." Amethyst shrugged. "Garnet's just like that. You stop questioning it after a while. Is Bismuth still workin' on that sword?"

"I'm assuming."

"I just hope she remembered to take her medicine," Pearl murmured, clasping her hands together. "You know how preoccupied she can get with her passions."

"Yikes. Yeah, you better send her a reminder or some—(Pearl had already whipped out her phone and was doing exactly that as Amethyst spoke)—thing. She called me at like, two in the morning. Said she wouldn't be here 'cause she finally figured out how to forge the pommel to balance out the blade just right. Hell if I know what that means."

"You know, I would ask her, but I don't want to get all up in her...bismuth." Peridot's mouth curled up into a neon green grin.

God fucking _dammit._

Amethyst snorted and gave Peridot a high five she gladly accepted. "Ha! Nice one, Per."

Pearl just rolled her eyes.

Lapis appreciated that.

Amethyst turned to her as if just now realizing her presence. "Yo, Lapster! You liked that candy bar?"

"Would've enjoyed it more if it wasn't half melted," she muttered as she closed up her Thermos.

"Psssh. Dude, it's a backpack, not a freezer. You're lucky it didn't turn into chocolate sludge." Amethyst sighed. "Yeesh, my work always goes unappreciated 'round here, doesn't it?"

"Not all of it," Pearl chimed in, placing a hand on Amethyst's shoulder. "I admit I still appreciated your presence—sans hot sauce."

Amethyst batted their (his? her?) eyelids melodramatically and chuckled. "Aw, P, I'm blushin'."

"Ahem!" Peridot cleared her throat and craned her neck towards Amethyst and Pearl, frowning slightly. "So...you two were at the library, correct? Together?"

Lapis could practically see the gears turning in her head.

Was it bad that she saw the gears as neon green?

Amethyst nodded. "Yeah. Little Miss Goodie-Two-Ballet-Flats here took off to bury her nose in classic lit for a test she doesn't even have today instead of eat, so I went along. Y'know, moral support and junk." As their ( _his? her?_ ) ponytail swished back and forth and glinted silvery-purple in the sunlight, Lapis decided she couldn't take it anymore, and before she could stop it, her mouth moved of its own accord.

"What _are_ you?"

And then she slapped herself right on her forehead. Hard. That came out _really_ fucking wrong.

Amethyst blinked at her, mouth slightly agape. "Uh..."

"I mean, uh—today," Lapis said all too hurriedly. "What are you today."

Somehow, that still didn't sound any better.

Amethyst seemed to catch the drift however, and turned to Peridot. _"Ohhh._ You told her?"

"Um." Peridot swallowed and narrowed her eyes, her brows hovering above them uncertainly. "Was I not supposed to?"

Amethyst chuckled. "Nah, man. Lapis is cool. She and I are tight."

"I met you three days ago," Lapis said flatly.

"And you gave me your number," Amethyst said, pointing a finger gun at her and winking before squinting a bit. "Wellll actually, you gave _Pearl_ your number—"

"For the last time, I didn't mean it in _that_ context!" Pearl snapped.

"Suuure you didn't," Amethyst replied as Pearl groaned in frustration. "Aaanyways, if you really wanna know, I got a system." Amethyst leaned down in front of Lapis and winked. "Hair down means girl. Pony means they. And if it's all tucked up in a cap, then it's Purple Puma time," they finished with a grin.

Lapis frowned. "Purple..."

"He," Peridot clarified.

Right, of course.

That still didn't stop Lapis's face from burning, however, as she brought a hand up to the back of her neck and rubbed it uncertainly.

"I, uh. Sorry," she blurted out.

Wow, real discreet.

Amethyst didn't seem to mind. Their grin melted into a smaller smile, one that made their eyes glimmer slightly. "Hey. Thanks, if anything. You trying to understand..." She gave a dry chuckle that seemed much more flat and humorless than her standard ones. "...not a lot of people do that. Means a lot."

And it was at that exact moment when Peridot, master of tact, decided to clear her throat, push her oversized glasses up her mousey face, and ruin Lapis's life.

"Were you two _making out?"_

As expected, Pearl didn't take that too well. Her cheeks darkened as she gaped at Peridot and sputtered incoherently before she regained the ability to string her words together.

"I— _Peridot!_ Honestly—"

"Hey! _Lazuli_ was the one who suggested the notion in the first place!"

Amethyst cackled, and this time, their laugh was just as lively as it usually was. They jabbed Lapis's arm playfully and wiped a tear from their eye. "Y'know, you're pretty funny when you don't have a stick up your ass."

Lapis's smile actually managed to break all the way through this time. It was small, perhaps, but still undeniably there.

"Thanks."

Peridot was still frowning. "You know," she said, an edge of suspicion in her voice, "it was almost like she was talking from _prior experience..."_

She stiffened up, her smile vanishing just as quickly as it had formed.

She knew what was about to happen, she knew it wasn't Peridot's fault, and yet she couldn't help but shudder as she felt the sick, sick feeling of saltwater churning in her lungs and stomach.

"Lazuli, have _you_ ever—"

"None of your business," she snapped, getting up, tossing her Thermos into her lunchbox, slinging her backpack over one shoulder, and tromping off.

Goddammit. No fucking wonder she had no friends.

* * *

Lapis got a zero on her physics worksheet.

She didn't care.

Art was filled with tense, awkward silence that Peridot seemed unusually uncomfortable with breaking. She didn't even squeak this time. 

Lapis messed up on her lemon and nearly ripped her paper in half. 

And then, of course, she had to go listen to Mr. Maheswaran drone on about vectors once more, go home and be miserable once more, and wait for the cycle to begin anew.

She tuned out everything going on in class—although it would actually be more accurate to say that she _drowned_ it all out. And it would be even more accurate to say that it wasn't intentional.

She couldn't help it if all she could hear was the roaring of the blood in her own ears, like the unforgiving waves of the ocean slamming onto the shore.

She watched Pearl and Peridot bicker incoherently over what appeared to be the number of significant figures in an answer to a word problem while Amethyst sighed, a black mechanical pencil dangling from their lips. Their mouth looked like it was moving, like they were saying something, but Lapis couldn't decipher a thing. The room was filled with the ocean, her vision sloshed around chaotically, and all that came out of Amethyst's mouth was a tinny gurgle.

Perhaps it was a good thing Amethyst tossed the baggie of cheeseballs she had apparently forgotten at the lunch table as she stormed off in her face.

It snapped Lapis out of her thoughts, and she suddenly became hyperaware of everything—the yellow stars speckled all over Pearl's sky blue hijab; the rhythmic, impatient drumming of Peridot's fingers on the table; the smudged, uneven eyeliner that would have been ugly on most but seemed oddly fitting for Amethyst; the soft, tickling sensation of her skirt as it grazed her ankles in the breeze provided by the room's air conditioner.

And then there was the door slamming open as Garnet arrived.

"So, you see, acceleration is defined as the rate of change in velocity, or displacement over...uh." Mr. Maheswaran faltered as she marched in, an unbelievably copious amount of straw trailing behind her.

Pearl smiled and waved at her, Peridot sighed and muttered, "it's about _time,"_ and Lapis clutched her cheeseballs protectively like Garnet was going to attack them.

Amethyst raised an eyebrow at her. "G? Thought you were takin' the day off or somethin'. Why you back so soon?"

Mr. Maheswaran cleared his throat. "Garnet, where's your tardy slip?"

Garnet simply yanked a piece of straw out of her hair and placed it in her mouth in response. She sat down in her seat and steepled her fingers, unfazed at the fact that the entire class was aware that she smelled like musty sweat and aged hay.

"I blame the cows."

* * *

Today wasn't a Friday. Amethyst only rode the bus on Fridays. They rode home with Garnet on the other days—they supposedly lived right next to each other.

A good thing, considering Lapis wanted to be alone.

But then again, what else was new?

The bus stopped momentarily to unload some kids and she caught sight of those three teens on the curb again: a lanky one with corn silk hair and headphones, a midriff-baring one with an afro and two golden hoops dangling from her ears and glimmering in the sunlight, and a tannish brunette with sunglasses eerily similar to Garnet's.

Maybe she was in some sort of weird-ass cult.

She wouldn't put it past her.

Lapis's backpack sat comfortably in the place where Amethyst had sat last week, a worn-out hand-me-down that was bulky, had uneven straps she had never bothered to adjust, and was, regrettably, an ugly shade of blue similar to that pre-cal creep's infinity scarf.

At least she didn't carry around a bunch of crushed-up, half-melted candy bars.

And above all, at least she was alone.

Even if it did make her feel vaguely, inexplicably upset.

She shrugged it off; perhaps it was just Garnet's eau de barn lingering in her nose making her feel disoriented.

But that still didn't explain why the ocean continued to churn relentlessly in her ears or why those stupid teens standing outside and taking a selfie led by afro-hoop girl were so damn happy.

She came home, mumbled yet another "it was okay" to her parents, unceremoniously dropped her backpack near her nightstand, and flopped onto her bed, staring up at the cerulean, glow-in-the-dark stars plastered to her ceiling that she had bought when she was nine and had an odd obsession with Neptune (and Uranus, of course. Uranus was the best thing since whoopie cushions to happen to a nine-year-old with a knack for toilet humor).

Damn, she really needed to do some redecorating.

...And she really needed to put her phone on silent. Or at least stop shoving it into her back pocket.

Her butt buzzed yet again and she grimaced, pulling it out and half-expecting to see another discourse on obscure television shows or a misadventure in autocorrect.

Instead, it was a message.

A personal message.

An obnoxious, caps-lock-ridden message.

 **[+1-(667)-934-0661]:** AFTER MUCH CONTEMPLATION AND INPUT FROM PEARL ON HOW MY COMMENT WAS "RUDE" AND "INCONSIDERATE," I'VE DECIDED I HAVE SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO SAY TO YOU!

All she could type in response was _who tf is this_ and hope for the best.

 **[+1-(667)-934-0661]** : REALLY, LAZULI? YOU HAVEN'T SAVED ME AS A CONTACT YET?

 **[+1-(667)-934-0661]:** I'M EXCEPTIONALLY OFFENDED.

...Of _course._

 **[+1-(667)-934-0661]:** I HAVE YOU SAVED AS "PAULETTE STAN."

 **[+1-(667)-934-0661]:** AND I'M A MERE +1-667 ON YOUR PHONE?

 **[+1-(667)-934-0661]:** AND HERE I WAS, THINKING WE HAD SOMETHING BETWEEN US.

Oh, there was definitely something between them.

And it was a huge, brick wall that the "Crystal Gems" would not stop trying to climb over despite anything Lapis threw at them.

So maybe she should just have some fun with it for once.

Fun. What a foreign concept. But she'd manage.

 **[You]:** okay, done

 **[You]:** i saved you as insufferable noodle armed prick

Okay, she would admit: that was _totally_ worth it.

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** ...YOU'RE DESPICABLE

 **[You]:** tell me something i dont know

 **[You]:** so what did you wanna say

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** ...that i'm sorry

...What the _fuck._

No caps lock. Lapis had to blink repeatedly at her phone to assure herself she wasn't having some sort of barn-smell-induced fever dream.

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** if i made you uncomfortable by asking if you've made out with anyone

Her breath hitched. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

There it was again, that tight feeling where she was bursting with saltwater, dripping with saltwater, burning with saltwater.

She wanted to forget.

So why the fuck the universe kept sending her reminders like her own personal spam account was beyond her.

Her fingers shook a bit over her keyboard as she clacked out a response.

 **[You]:** its oky a

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** pearl told me that was none of my business

She didn't even make fun of the typo.

_What the actual fuck._

**[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** and even though i'd like it to be, i suppose she's right

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** WAIT

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** DON'T TELL HER I SAID THAT

And then she was back again.

It made Lapis feel oddly relieved.

 **[You]:** screencap taken

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** LIAR

**You have sent 1 image**

She threw her phone across the room and couldn't help but chuckle as she watched it light up indignantly. Peridot would hear from her later.

But now, her laughter subsided as she leaned against her bedframe and tugged at the hem of her skirt, trying to forget that she was drowning like she always was.

* * *

_Were first kisses supposed to be shy pecks on the mouth?_

_Because if that was the case, Lapis was the biggest fucking nonconformer to ever nonconform._

_Her first kiss had been underwater, laced with the sting of sea salt sneaking into the crevices of her chapped lips._

_And damn, was it fucking rough._

_Definitely not a measly peck._

_Like most important things in Lapis's life, there was a story behind it._

_And like most important things in Lapis's life, it happened on the coast of Beach City, right where the sand hit the seemingly tranquil, sparkling blue Atlantic Ocean._

_It was only much, much later that she realized that looks could be cruelly deceiving._

_She was thirteen and knee-deep in saltwater, waves lapping at her as she stood with her arms spread-eagled and catching the breeze._

_"Hey, weirdo."_

_She frowned and lowered her arms, meeting the gaze of the person behind her, who was chuckling softly as she looked at Lapis from the shoreline, arms akimbo._

_"You again. Quit following me."_

_Her ears registered a resounding snort. "Face it, Lap. We all know you only come here to meet me."_

_Lapis's frown deepened. Damn, this girl's ego was bigger than her beefy biceps. And that was saying something._

_"No. I come here 'cause I like to swim._ You _come here to hit on all the pretty girls."_

_She responded by wading into the water to meet Lapis; the sea barely came up to her calves. "You ever think I've had my eye on anyone but you, though?"_

_Lapis scooped up a wave and splashed it in the girl's face._

_"Jasper, what the fuck. Stop hitting on me. The answer is_ no. _Besides," Lapis added, smirking as she sent another wave towards her, "what makes you think you can handle me? See this? Swimmer's bod. You might be built like a brick shithouse, but I'm quick. I'm limber—"_

_"Ooh, using your lexile level to intimidate me. I'm fucking terrified."_

_Lapis huffed. "Smartass," she said as Jasper gave her a toothy grin. "Look, even if I_ did _want you, you'd have to be pretty damn quick to catch—"_

_The rest of her words were snuffed out by the waves._

_The waves she was submerged in._

_Luckily, she had managed to suck in a breath right as she hit the water. But nothing could prepare her for what she felt next._

_How Jasper's lips felt on hers._

_They were smooth. Lapis had never expected that. Thick and full, sure, anyone could see that, but they were much, much smoother than her callused hands or the eczematic blotches all over her body on top of her vitiligo._

_Her grip on Lapis was firm yet surprisingly gentle, and her hair was floating around her like an infinite-legged squid, tendrils of dark brown with shocks of vitiligo-induced white in between._

_It wasn't her skin or her hair or her brick shithouse build that had ever been her most striking features for Lapis, however._

_It was her eyes._

_A rich brown going on gold, with flecks of yellowish orange in between, the same color as her namesake stone. Her lashes were always thick and curled to perfection, the wingtips of eyeliner always in a flawless arch with dagger-like tips._

_But Lapis didn't get to see the eyes this time._

_They were closed._

_As she shuddered and felt Jasper's (also surprisngly soft) tongue sneak in between her lips, she supposed she should close her eyes, too._

_That was how kisses worked, right?_

_Before she knew it, her hands had wandered into her hair, and Jasper's hands had done likewise. She ran her hand through the scalp, dug her nails into the back of her neck as she pressed her chapped, burning lips harder against the smooth ones, practically smushing her face into hers and feeling the ridge of Jasper's bumpy nose jut into hers—_

_And then she leapt out of the water with the grace of an intoxicated dolphin and gasped for air as Jasper popped out as well and started smirking._

_"That quick enough for you?"_

_It was._

_Holy_ shit, _it was._

_Maybe she had almost drowned, but she supposed a pair of lungs brimming with burning saltwater was a small price to pay._

_Back then, at least._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to take a stab at writing a genderfluid Amethyst because I feel like it's a good parallel to her love for shapeshifting in canon. But maybe it's just me? Idk
> 
> Foodie Lapis is by far one of my favorite human AU headcanons. I lied—LapisxChaaaps is the main pairing of this story, guys.
> 
> But anyways, here are a few bullet points!
> 
> -Not all Indians are vegetarian, but most of them (Hindus, usually) don't eat beef due to the cultural significance cows hold to them.
> 
> -Lomi is an originally Chinese noodle dish that's also a part of Filipino cuisine.
> 
> -insufferable noodle armed prick. That is all.
> 
> Thank you for reading!! Thoughts and such are appreciated as always! Until next time! :)


	4. Wandering Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy just a warning before we get in: this chapter contains partial nudity/slight suggestions of nudity along with a bit of implied homophobia! Just wanna let you guys know in case that could potentially make you uncomfy!
> 
> Anyways, regardless of all that, thanks for reading! :)

Lapis sent the screenshot to Pearl.

She responded all too quickly (read: at roughly twelve thirty in the morning, right when Lapis was finally about to drift off into a potentially peaceful slumber; good thing sleep was for the weak, right) with an _Oh my goodness! Laughing out loud!_ (yes, she had _actually_ typed out lol in its entirety), followed shortly afterwards by a _Wait, "insufferable noodle armed prick?",_ correctly coinciding capitalization, punctuation, and all.

Lapis decided to save her as "pearlfect."

And then she decided to smush her face back into her pillow, inhaling a mix of lemon freshener, the vaguely spicy hint of samosas that no trip to the washing machine could ever successfully diminish entirely, and the bitter scent of regret.

It didn't help.

She had spent two hours on graphing reciprocal functions and identifying extrema, one and a half hours on counting up every single goddamn electron for her net ionic equations (a good half hour of which was spent trying to locate tungsten on the periodic table because it was abbreviated with a fucking W of all things), two more hours attempting to glean whatever info she could out of an Old English account of the Delmarva Peninsula landing (okay, maybe that one was slightly interesting. But only because of the accounts of a pink-haired woman who roamed the place and consorted with the colonials occasionally, surrounded by a pack of goddamn lions—even _Lapis_ would admit that was pretty badass), and one cumulative hour from all the in-between moments spent banging her head on her desk, cupping her face between her hands, and gazing at that stupid Crying Breakfast Friends poster until Pining Grapefruit and Sniffling Croissant were added to her repertoire of characters she could draw from memory.

She was certain said repertoire was only going to grow tenfold by the time the first semester ended, let alone the school year.

And so she slumped upright, leaned against her bedframe, and sighed, face still glued to her pillow because those stupid glow-in-the-dark stars on her ceiling were giving her a headache.

Heh. Everything seemed to give Lapis a headache these days.

Getting up at 6:00 and only being able to slip back under the covers at 10:30 should warrant an exhausted Lapis sleeping like the dead, right?

Yeah, no. Instead, all she received for her efforts was a raging bout of insomnia and a strange craving for chocolate.

She threw her pillow to the side and got up. She could remedy one of those things, at least.

Her floor was a goddamn minefield, and what little, dim, vaguely bluish light managed to creep in through the slats of her window blinds didn't really help. On her way out of her room, her feet ended up coming into contact with a dried up wad of clay, a pair of lacy indigo panties, and something vaguely squishy and unpleasantly squelchy that she didn't even want to begin to think about.

Lapis registered the time as 12:47 as she slinked back to her room after raiding the fridge, with a small bar of chocolate (or two, or three) in hand. She was careful to maneuver her way through the minefield and flop back down onto her bed facefirst with a groan. As she shoved a bar into her mouth and let it melt on her tongue, she eyed the black tendrils of hair splayed on either side of her head on the mattress, catching the moonlight in such a way that they almost gleamed blue. As she crossed and uncrossed her legs in agitation, she felt the tautness of her calves, graced by a light layer of ticklish, bristly leg hair.

"Heh," she muttered to no one in particular, licking the nougat from between the crevices of her teeth. "Swimmer's bod."

And a dancer's bod as well, admittedly, but the ocean had always called her more prominently than the stage. There was something strangely intimate about immersing yourself in the waves, letting the foam lap at your ankles as you waded in, then your knees, then your waist, then your chest as you continued to brave the current.

But then it would reach your mouth and engulf you up to your head and make all the wounds inside and out—ones you didn't even know you _had_ until you felt the salt pierce them like a poisonous dagger— feel like they were on fire.

And that's why Lapis could never have that sort of intimacy ever again.

She flipped her body over to stare at the stars plastered to the ceiling once more, shoving another bar of chocolate into her mouth before laying her hands on her chest like she was a corpse and her bed was her coffin.

She already looked pretty lifeless with her pursed lips and dull eyes and dark circles surrounding them, anyways; it shouldn't have made a difference.

Perhaps this was a coffin, in ways. She had launched herself onto here, a crying, shaking mess, almost a month ago. That was when the decision to enroll her in public school was made. That was when her homeschooled life got unceremoniously shoved into a casket and thrown out to sea.

Too bad the sea always seemed to follow her wherever she went.

Then again, she did live in _Beach fucking City._

Lapis peeled her back off of her mattress and glared down at those swimmer-bod calves. Ugh. Of _all_ places.

She squinted in the dim light as she groped for her pillow, nearly yelping when her hand hit something cold, smooth, and hard, and then sighing in relief as she saw the teal lockscreen of her phone flash back at her. She flopped down once more and chomped on her (regrettably) final bar of chocolate as she let the time onscreen burn into her vision.

_12:58._

_12:59._

_1:00._

And then she decided to unlock her phone because there was really no going back now. Five hours left before she had to get ready for Prick-Up-Her-Ass Academy, and frankly, wallowing in misery could get a little tiresome after a while.

Wallowing in misery while perusing updates on the Camp Pining Hearts forums? Now _that_ was more like it.

The moment she slid right on her lockscreen, however, the first thing she saw was her contacts app, composed of exactly seven people: Amma, Appa, Priyanka Auntie, Doug Uncle, and more recently, _pearlfect_ and _insufferable noodle armed prick._

Oh, and the number for Fish Stew Pizza.

That was important to take note of, too.

But even so, the screen was practically desolate, a sheet of white which was barely half-covered in words. She scoffed at herself.

She was pathetic.

And that was how Lapis ended up eyeing the group chat she had, for some strange reason, not deleted yet, and decided to do her contacts app some justice.

In her defense, she was sleep-deprived and sugar-spiked and perhaps just a bit judgement-muddled.

Plus, _grape of wrath_ seemed like an oddly fitting name for Amethyst.

She probably should have just stopped there.

* * *

It was raining when Lapis's eyes snapped open at the sound of her alarm, her phone pressed against her cheek and covered in a river of drool.

Not a good sign.

As she got dressed and proceeded to stumble out of her bedroom, she ended up knocking over a bottle from her nightstand with a clack and a thud, and upon inspecting it, she realized it was a clear, long-forgotten container full of pale blue antidepressants that made her stomach clench and twist unpleasantly.

Also not a good sign.

And then as she yanked her phone out of her backpack and rummaged through its pockets on the bus, she realized she had forgotten her headphones.

God fucking _dammit._

A traffic jam in the middle of a freeway due to a minor car accident and a very pissed-looking guy in too-tight skinny jeans, an ugly blue scarf, and a mop of hair straight out of the 70s meant she would miss, at most, twenty minutes of pre-calculus.

Okay, maybe now this day was getting somewhere.

She ended up missing thirty minutes of pre-calculus in the end, and on top of that, she had a bumbling substitute who must have forgotten their contacts or _something,_ because they didn't even notice the guys drawing crude representations of dicks on the whiteboard and snickering like doofuses on the other end of the classroom. Conveniently, they also didn't notice Lapis browsing on her phone in the front row. Turned out that the latest Camp Pining Hearts episode had been leaked by the show's own broadcasting channel. An entire month prior to airing. _Again._ Lapis shook her head in disappointment as she realized she'd have to steer clear of TubeTube once more.

And then, of course, gym came along. And then, of course, Lapis actually had to _do_ something, because the coach had decided that today was just the perfect day to dress out and run the track because it was "just a mild drizzle outside."

Lapis came back breathless, odorous, and drenched in rain and sweat alike.

 _Mild drizzle_ , her left asscheek.

She was situated in a corner of the locker room that was semi-tucked-away, making her feel at least a bit at ease. Not that she minded undressing in front of fellow students, she knew it was public school protocol, but it made her scowl lessen somewhat as she registered that everyone else seemed to be too busy borrowing one another's deodorant and gossiping about the creative writing teacher ("I heard she used to star in one of those old-school jazzercise tapes!") to be staring at her (admittedly a _biiiit_ too tight) lacy panties.

She, of course, wasn't about to stare at anyone herself.

But then the locker room door slammed open and Lapis's life was ruined once more.

 _"Hmm,"_ Garnet mused, stepping in, puffing out her cheeks, and frowning slightly as she put an index finger to her chin in thought.

This time, it wasn't the cubic afro or the accented lilt of her voice or even the sunglasses Lapis noticed when she caught sight of her.

It was the fact that she had no shirt on.

Her bra was _(thankfully)_ thick and covered most of her top half, but that didn't change the fact that Lapis could see perfectly-toned abs on the bottom half, covered in a cool, brownish sheen that was most likely the "mild drizzle's" doing, since Garnet's hair and sunglasses were covered in the same rivulets of water. After what seemed like ages, she took the finger off of her lips, parted them (were they always this full?) to reveal a set of impeccably straight teeth, and walked over to the covert corner (of _course,_ where else?) of the locker room, a purple shirt Lapis had _no fucking idea why she wasn't wearing_ balled up in the crook of her arm.

She really wished everyone would start talking about the jazzercise teacher again so she would have something to divert her attention to, but everyone had promptly shut up the moment Garnet had marched her dripping self into the room.

"Lapis."

Oh fuck oh fuck oh _fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck._

Lapis swallowed, trying to (and desperately failing) to ignore the considerable amount of heat rushing to her cheeks as she slipped back into her skirt while her mind frantically screamed at her, _Don't look don't look don't look you used to be so good at this why the hell are you fucking up now what the hell are you doing why the hell are you so—_

"Uh—um," Lapis stammered intelligently.

And then, of course, yet _another_ towering girl had to run into the locker room, a wad of black fabric clenched in her right fist as she screeched to a halt and caught sight of Garnet, the rain not dampening the intensity of her rainbow dreadlocks in the slightest.

Lapis sighed. Well, at least Bismuth was actually _fully dressed._

She gasped as she made her way to Lapis's corner. "Garnet!" she said, panting a bit as Lapis's eyes betrayed her and started wandering across Bismuth's right arm. She clenched her teeth in frustration as she realized she was staring at the star tattoo inked in on Bismuth's bicep.

_You used to be so good at this. What the fuck. What the fuck._

"—There you are! Look, I found you a another shirt," Bismuth said, gesturing to the wad of black in her hands before shaking her head. "I mean—it's another one of mine, so it might be a little big on ya, but..."

And then she noticed.

"Um—uh," Bismuth said just as intelligently.

Garnet, still clad in nothing but a sports bra, burgundy jeans, and red and blue sneakers, looked back at her just as calmly as she did with Lapis and claimed, "I want my own."

Bismuth blinked in response, shaking her head again in disbelief, her dreadlocks whizzing around her. "You seriously did _not_ just..."

Garnet shrugged and tossed her purple shirt on top of Bismuth's black one. "It was too... _much."_

"Scratchy?" Bismuth inquired, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes."

Right when Bismuth sighed in response and Garnet began twisting the knob on a lock that was most likely hers, Lapis finally found her voice angrily launching itself out of her throat.

"That doesn't mean you can just waltz around the fucking halls _half-naked_!" she snapped as Garnet yanked a shirt out of her locker. "What the hell is your _problem?_ Why is this school filled with—" Lapis's cheeks continued to burn an additional degree by the second as she narrowed her eyes."—with _freaks?!"_

Bismuth narrowed her eyes right back at her, her gaze hardening as she pursed her lips; Lapis observed her eyes were nearly engulfed in dark circles and her eyebrows were thick, black, and oddly contrasting her kaleidoscopic locks, which were even more kaleidoscopic than usual due to the droplets of water on them catching multi-hued flecks of light as she—

_Wait._

_Fuck._

_Stop._

She cleared her throat and snapped Lapis back to reality. "Hey, now, I wouldn't go around saying that—"

"It's alright," Garnet cut in, slipping a shirt embroidered with a maroon star over her head. She shook her hair to get some excess water out of it before smiling slightly.

"We'll see you later, Lapis Lazuli."

Ugh, not _her_ too.

And just like that, the two left, and everyone decided to start gossiping about how the janitor had used to be a music gig manager for the big names around two or three decades ago.

...That sounded even more implausible than the jazzercise thing, to be honest.

"Mmm," a voice suddenly drawled out from Lapis's left, making her tense her shoulders and hitch her breath. "She is one _tall_ glass of water, ain't she?"

Lapis whipped around to gape at her. "What the—"

_Afro hoop girl._

...Wait, had she said that out loud?

She slapped her forehead as the girl next to her started cackling.

 _"Afro hoop girl?_ C'mon, you can come up with something better than _that."_

"I'll pass," Lapis mumbled as she tugged her shirt over her head.

She rolled her eyes at Lapis, the golden hoops in her ears dangling as she did so. "Yeesh, alright. Name's Jenny. And...huh. Your voice sounds kinda familiar now that I think about it...ooh, wait!" Jenny put a hand on her hips, half-lidded her eyes, and deadpanned, "Cherry soda. Cheese pizza. Both extra large. And no, I don't want your bagels."

Lapis gaped at her in disbelief before snorting and shaking her head. "What? No fucking _way."_

 _"Yes_ fucking way," Jenny retorted. "I've taken your order, like, twice. Which means my sis probably took it like, twelve times. You're a pretty dedicated customer." She blinked momentarily before frowning and bending over slightly. "Although...I coulda sworn your name was Lakshmi," she said, pointing to the ID Lapis had slipped over her neck. "Guess not, though."

"It is," Lapis admitted. "Just...a nickname."

Jenny scoffed, although it sounded more playful than anything. "Oh, so _you_ get a cool nickname and _I'm_ stuck with _Afro Hoop Girl?"_

"Ughhh," Lapis groaned. No wonder she wasn't a people person. "It wasn't really my choice. Old name from swim team, it just kinda stuck."

"Huh! Swim team!" Jenny chuckled as she wriggled into her skinny jeans. "Imagine that."

Lapis regarded her coldly. "What, you don't believe me?"

"Nah, I mean, I just—" She snickered again. "Shouldn't you be used to checkin' out soaked, half-naked chicks then?"

Lapis's gaze quickly heated up into a glare as the burning sensation in her cheeks returned. "I wasn't _checking her out!_ God fucking dammit."

"Oh, please," Jenny said, twirling a hand around in the air and goading her. "You were pretty much undressing her with your eyes!"

Lapis blinked before wrinkling her nose and scowling. "What the _fuck,"_ she spat.

Jenny rolled her eyes. "Alright, alright, calm down, girl. Look, it's fine, okay? I'd be lyin' if I said I never gave her a once-over. She's..." she declared with a whistle, "a real _looker,_ alright. Don't worry." She winked at Lapis and cupped a hand over her mouth. "Your secret's safe with me."

She stared at Jenny blankly as she pulled a pair of red slip-ons over her feet and continued giggling.

_You used to be so good at this._

"Right," Lapis mumbled, yanking her backpack out of her locker and retreating to third period. "Secret."

* * *

English, chemistry, and French all followed in quick succession with relatively nothing interesting happening at all. History, however, was another story. Someone raised their hand to inquire about the accounts of the pink-haired woman, and then some kid sitting in the back of the classroom launched up out of his chair, pushed his thick glasses up his stubby nose, and started yelling out something about "polymorphous sentient space rocks."

Mr. Cordero spent pretty much the entire period trying to calm him down.

Once the bell rang, Lapis found herself trudging back to the courtyard despite the wet benches that had resulted from the downpour, but she supposed that meant she could be alone.

Her eyes darted left to right and back again as she pulled a haphazardly constructed PB&J out of her lunchbox.

_Alone._

She took a bite and grimaced as the peanut butter stuck to the roof of her mouth. She set the sandwich aside, digging her phone out of her backpack and setting it on her lap along with the soda she used to wash away the sticky feeling.

_Still alone._

She turned on her phone.

_Alone._

She fumbled with the passcode even though she knew it like the back of her hand.

_Alone._

Her soda tickled the the roof of her mouth unpleasantly. She looked back at her phone and ended up scowling as she caught sight of her contacts flashing back at her—she must have accidentally pressed on the app.

Yes. _Accidentally._

Well, at least it was scrollable now.

Her latest additions after _insufferable noodle armed prick, pearlfect,_ and _grape of wrath_ were _cubism_ (the perfect combination for Garnet: severely geometric and trippy as hell) and _human highlighter_ (she was going to put human kaleidoscope, but the potential of cheesy alliteration had enticed her so she gave in).

She would admit, she was pretty damn proud of her work. It had taken her most of the night.

But no one was there to appreciate it.

Oh, the struggles of being an artist.

Perhaps Peridot would understand. Peridot, with her spindly mechanical legs and her hair shooting up out of her scalp like she had stuck her noodle arms into an electrical socket, her angular collarbones peeking out of her neon green v-necks—

_What the fuck._

She shook her head and fought back the urge to let her eyes wander, even if it was inside of her own mind.

The way Amethyst's biceps rippled when they took long strides to keep up with people, their hair glinting like it was made of their namesake gemstone.

The way Pearl's nails were always perfectly manicured, various shades of pastels that were slapped over her slender fingers and contrasted with her beige skin.

_What the fuck. What the fuck._

She used to be so good at this.

At not looking. At keeping her eyes from straying when she looked at _them._

At _girls._

(And, yeah, granted, Amethyst wasn't exactly a girl _all_ of the time, but that still didn't seem to help Lapis's wandering any less.)

She had been drowning when she had first realized she would have to guard that urge to gaze, but it was a different kind of drowning. One that she knew she could tolerate so long as she conditioned herself properly.

But now she was out of check again because Garnet's goddamn six-pack had to ruin everything.

The last time she had allowed herself to gaze so freely at anyone was at _her._

 _Her_ with her just as rock-hard six-pack, her unruly mane of hair and her slashes of light tan cutting into her darker brown features, _her_ with her bumpy nose and full lips and lopsided smile as she drummed her huge fingers on Lapis's shoulders and—

_WHAT THE FUCK._

Lapis promptly launched herself off of the bench she was sitting on and dumped her sandwich in the trash.

She had lost her appetite.

* * *

Peridot didn't show up to art.

It should have been peaceful to not hear the annoying _squeak squeak squeaks_ emanating from underneath the table as she drew, but it felt odd.

Maybe Lapis was the real freak here.

She sketched out the flower set up in front of her almost mechanically. She got up and slung her backpack over shoulder when the bell rang almost robotically. She stumbled through the hallways while rubbing at her eyes and ended up bumping her knee into the pillar near Mr. Maheswaran's classroom, but she didn't have any energy to lambaste it again.

Instead, she shoved the door to her last period class open and shuffled in, unintentionally eavesdropping on the conversation taking place at the table at the end of the room.

Damn, these Crystal Gem kids were _loud._

"—You have to understand where I'm coming from, Bismuth," Pearl cried, slapping an open textbook with a hand adorned with pastel yellow nails. "The resemblance is just— _uncanny!"_

Bismuth sighed. "Pearl, please. Calm. Down. It's just a _legend!"_ She scoffed. "Buncha hogwash. There aren't even any pictures of her, it's all just from the diary of some delusional screwball that was probably dehydrated near death in the desert!"

"But everything just falls right into place! Pink hair? In _ringlets?_ Barefoot? _Melodious laughter?"_

"Yeah, uh-huh, _pack of lions?"_ Bismuth retorted, unconvinced.

"Rrgh!" Lapis took note of Pearl's frown as she neared the table. "You don't understand, do you?"

"Oh, I understand plenty," Bismuth snapped back, jabbing a finger in Pearl's chest. _"You're_ getting _desperate._ Stop trying to piece together facts that aren't even related! C'mon, Pearl. We don't wanna see you tearing yourself apart over this. We're worried, alright? I'm worried."

"She didn't take her meds last night."

"What the—" Bismuth faltered. _"Garnet!"_ She slugged her in the arm and frowned. "I thought we agreed to keep that a secret!"

 _"Bismuth!"_ Pearl glared at her and snapped her book shut, and the former flinched and winced almost as if in fear despite her hand quite literally being the size of Pearl's entire face.

"Nice save," Amethyst muttered, their ponytail swishing back and forth as they grinned at Garnet.

Garnet responded with a completely stoic face that was severely dissonant with her thumbs-up.

"Yo! Lappy!" Amethyst called out.

She sighed as she plunked her backpack onto the floor and herself into her seat. "Lapis. _Please."_

"Lappy's cute," Garnet interjected.

Lapis gave a noncommittal grunt. "Goddammit."

"Hey, where's Peri?"

"Don't know," Lapis replied to Amethyst, arms crossed. "Don't care."

"Annnnd the stick has returned."

"Shut..." Lapis stifled a yawn as she sank into her seat, "...up."

She was met with a loud snort. "What, too tired to put fuck in the middle of every other word?"

"Amethyst, please!"

Amethyst clicked their tongue before waving a hand in the air dismissively, their fingers fluttering around. "Okay, you mark my words, P. One day, _one day,_ someone or something is _going to blow your goddamn gasket._ And you'll do it. You'll say fuck. And—" They pulled their (considerably cracked) phone out of their back pocket. "—I am _so_ waiting for that day."

"What the—I—put—" Pearl sputtered, her cheeks flushing as Amethyst tauntingly waved their phone in her face just out of reach, "your—your _darn_ phone away!"

Amethyst just started cackling incessantly in response.

"Holy shit," Bismuth said, chuckling as well. "Anyone here got a plunger for Pearl's pottymouth?"

Pearl frowned and crossed her arms. "Hmmph."

_"—Ahem!"_

Lapis peeled her eyes away from the spectacle and towards the direction of the voice beckoning them all.

Oh. Right. Doug. Physics. Getting bored out of her fucking mind. _That_ was still a thing.

"I'm sure you're all aware I was generous enough to spare you a quiz on vectors and scalars—"

Lapis snorted at that. More like Connie was keeping him up all night (just yesterday, her mom had told her that the kid had managed to bypass the house's _goddamn security system)_ and he just thought it would earn him brownie points to pass it off as magnanimity.

"—Let's not make me regret that," he continued on, oblivious. "We've already gone over displacement, distance, speed, and velocity, but today, we'll be seeing how all four of them correlate with one another." He picked up a dry erase marker and twirled it around in his finger before uncapping it and chuckling. "Fun stuff!"

It would have been more fun if Priyanka Auntie had let him wear the stupid tie, honestly. At least then Lapis would have something to laugh at.

Mr. Maheswaran pressed the marker against the board. "It's going to be—"

_"AGHHHH!"_

And then he dropped it.

"Me too," Lapis deadpanned without thinking as she heard the door open violently. Upon hearing the angry squeaking that came along with the entrance, however, her curiosity was piqued and she craned her neck to see if her suspicions were right.

They were.

Peridot tromped in, her face scrunched up in anger just like the sheet of paper she was clenching in her hand.

"Hey!" Amethyst called out as Peridot tossed her backpack onto the floor with a violent thud and slammed her face against the table. "The Peridactyl lives!"

"UGHHHH!"

Amethyst scoffed. "Pssh, yeah, yeah, nice to see you too."

Peridot responded by leaning against Garnet and squishing her hair against her arm for a fleeting moment, then scowling and doing the same to Amethyst, then shaking her head and digging the nails of her free hand in her scalp and screeching incoherently yet again before slapping her now significantly wrinkled paper onto the table.

"A sixty-nine," she enunciated loud and clear, much to Lapis's chagrin. "A _sixty-nine!"_ She groaned. "Miss Quartz _hates_ me! _What?!"_ she said suddenly, jerking her head upwards to glare at the classroom now full of suppressed grins and titters. "What are you laughing at, you clods? Shut up!"

Mr. Maheswaran fiddled with his tie uncertainly. "Peridot—"

Amethyst raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Miss Quartz? Ohhh, is that the lady with the 80's hair and the legwarmers? Jazzercise tapes?"

Peridot frowned. _"Jazzercise?"_

"Yeah! Y'know, the—"

"Ugh, never mind. But yes, the one with the ridiculously garish legwarmers," Peridot spat. "Miss Quartz. _Creative writing."_

Bismuth snorted. "Dot, why'd you even take that class? Doesn't sound like you at all."

Peridot glared at her before huffing indignantly. "I'm going to ignore that _exceptionally subtle_ jab at my writing abilities. Mother forced me." She sighed, running her hands through her hair. "She wants me to be _well-rounded._ Apparently, only having math and science-centric courses on my college applications makes me look like a _thoughtless drone,"_ she finished with a snort.

 _"Mother_ sounds like an asshat," Lapis blurted out before she could stop herself.

Peridot opened her mouth to retort, but then snapped it back shut and considered this.

"...You know, I feel like I should take offense to that, but it's regrettably true."

"You spelled analysis wrong," Pearl interrupted, pointing a yellow nail at the very first line on Peridot's paper.

"Tch! No way!" She launched herself across the table, her arms swiping at the air frantically. "Let me see that—!"

_"Peridot!"_

Peridot's mouth snapped shut once more as her eyes met Mr. Maheswaran's glare. She fiddled with her thumbs sheepishly.

"Er..."

 _"Sit,"_ he said, jabbing a finger downwards. "Pay attention. You can badmouth Miss Quartz on your own time."

Peridot obliged, albeit grumbling clod repeatedly under her breath, while Pearl gave a small huff.

"I _like_ Miss Quartz," she muttered.

* * *

"Bismuth."

"Huh?"

"Are you..." Garnet paused, as if trying to search for the right word.

 _"Okay?"_ she asked finally.

Bismuth stared at her in confusion, her once fervently scribbling hand hovering (yet still trembling slightly) over her physics notebook. "Uh, yes?"

Amethyst snorted, clearly unconvinced. "Dude, your eyes are bloodshot and the bags under 'em are so deep I could go scuba diving in there."

Bismuth sniffed. "Carmilla was worth it."

"You..." Amethyst gaped at her. "You named your sword. You named your goddamn fucking sword. God. You're such a nerd."

Pearl shrugged. "Well, I suppose forging _is_ an art. It would only make sense for her to name her works."

"Works?!" Bismuth's eyes widened in horror. "Pearl, they're not works," she hissed. "They're my _babies."_

"Nerrrrddd," Amethyst singsonged as Pearl rolled her eyes.

"Erm...are you _sure_ you're okay?"

Bismuth frowned and sighed irritably. "Uh, yeah, Dot. I'm _sure._ Three shots of Cuban espresso with extra sugar sure," she said, and Lapis believed her because she could smell the sickly sweet stench of caffeine laced with sweetener as she spoke. "I've never felt more alive!"

"I can tell," Peridot deadpanned, pointing to Bismuth's notebook. "You're inundating your notes in highlighter."

"Hey. I like highlighters," she retorted, swiftly capping her pink one and uncapping her blue one as she did so.

"No kidding," Lapis mumbled with a snort, her head nestled in between her elbows folded across the table. "Your hair looks like it was dipped in a vat of highlighter."

 _Human highlighter,_ she bit back.

Amethyst snickered. "Hey, she speaks!

"Shut up," Lapis snapped back after letting out a huge yawn.

A tuft of Amethyst's hair had tumbled out of their scrunchie and was now dangling loosely from their scalp, brushing against the table.

Lapis wanted to punch herself for noticing how dangerously close the strand was to brushing her forearm.

"Y'know," Amethyst said, folding their arms in a manner likewise to Lapis and resting their head on their notebook, "I'm so used to you saying fuck it feels weird when you don't."

Lapis treated Amethyst to a flipped bird in response. Amethyst just shrugged nonchalantly.

"Eh," they muttered languidly. "Just doesn't feel the same."

"Pfft," Lapis exhaled.

"She looks tired, too," Garnet pointed out.

_Thanks, Captain Obvious._

Peridot narrowed her eyes as she stared at Lapis from across the table and picked at her bandaid apprehensively, her v-neck dipping down dangerously low. That was the last thing Lapis remembered seeing. Just fucking lovely.

"And what were _you_ doing all night, Lazuli, hmm?"

"Mmmm," she responded, her insomnia finally giving way to her lead-heavy eyelids.

Lapis didn't get to hear Peridot's reponse.

* * *

"Lapis!"

"Lazuli!"

"Lapis Lazuli."

...Okay. Not what Lapis was expecting. Her head shot up from its resting place on the table and she frowned as she registered the voices as Pearl's, Peridot's, and Garnet's respectively.

"What the hell?"

"Hey!" Amethyst grinned. "Lapis is back from her nap..." They frowned. _"...is."_

Peridot eyed them in disbelief. "That was _awful."_

Amethyst shrugged. "It was _improv,_ P-dot. Sue me."

"Well, whatever it was, it means detention."

Lapis hit both of her knees on the underside of the table upon hearing that.

"I—what—" She wiped the drool from her mouth and bit her lip as the entire class started rubbernecking. "Holy sh—wait, _what?!"_

Mr. Maheswaran frowned at her and drummed his fingers on her table, sighing. "Lakshmi, you know I don't want to do this—"

 _"—Then don't fucking do it!"_ she snapped.

"—But this is _out of my control,"_ he continued, ignoring her. "I gave you one last chance to pay attention in class and you didn't follow my instructions." He handed her a slip the color of Pearl's nails, announcing that she had cafeteria duty the next day an hour before the first bell.

"I'm sorry."

Lapis glowered at him. "Uh, no you're _not."_

"Er..." she heard Peridot mutter in the background as Mr. Maheswaran continued to stare at her, resolute despite his usual lack of competence with all other aspects of being a teacher.

Priyanka Auntie must have been rubbing off on him.

She sighed and jammed the slip into her back pocket, giving Mr. Maheswaran a scathing glare as she realized that even if she hid the slip away, his wife would most likely call her parents the moment she found out.

"Ugh. Whatever. What. The fuck. _Ever."_

"Holy smokes. Lapis is Lapissed."

Amethyst cackled and slugged Peridot in the arm. "Okay, now that... _that_ was a good one."

Lapis groaned as she sank back into her seat, her mouth tasting like it was filled with a bucketful of the mop water she'd be splashing herself with on Wednesday morning.

She could say otherwise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy WHOO this was fun to write!
> 
> Bullet points time?? Yes bullet points time
> 
> -Samosas are pretty popular so I wasn't sure if I should put a bullet point for it, but I'll do it anyways! They're triangular fried pastries usually stuffed with potatoes or meat. They are life.
> 
> -"Mr. Cordera" is an actual SU character; he doesn't have an official last name though so I snagged his voice actor's last name to use.
> 
> -The janitor is Marty. Happy mopping asshat
> 
> -Carmilla isn't a reference to anything, I just liked the way it sounded??  
> (EDIT: ACTUALLY I THINK I ACCIDENTALLY PULLED IT OUT FROM MY FUCKING SUBCONSCIOUS. CARMILLA IS A REFERENCE TO CARMILLA I GUESS?? EVEN THO IVE NEVER SEEN IT)
> 
> Anyways thanks for reading as always, feedback and such is always appreciated! It really keeps me going! You guys are great! :')


	5. The Transitive Property of Being an Asshole

**[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** OKAY BUT WHAT DO I DO

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** MOTHER CAN'T SEE THIS GRADE

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** SHE'LL HAVE ME FLAYED WITHIN AN INCH OF MY LIFE

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** I'VE JUST BEEN STRESS-WATCHING SEASON FIVE OF CAMP PINING HEARTS

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** SEASON FIVE

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** IT'S TWO IN THE MORNING I THINK I'M GROWING DELIRIOUS

 **[pearlfect]:** Peridot, we've already discussed this! Just tell her. She should understand.

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** NO! THAT SOUNDS LIKE A RIDICULOUS IDEA

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** HMM...

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** WAIT! I SHOULD JUST TELL HER!

 **[pearlfect]:**...Seriously?

 **[grape of wrath]:** lmao

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** WAIT! NO!

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** WHAT AM I SAYING?!

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** I CAN'T TELL HER!

 **[human highlighter]:** dot, you're overthinking this

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** WITHIN AN INCH OF MY LIFE, BISMUTH. WITHIN AN INCH! OF MY LIFE!

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** I SHOULD JUST HIDE THIS

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** WAIT WHAT IF JONQUIL FINDS IT

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** WHAT IF SHE SHOWS IT TO MOTHER

 **[grape of wrath]:** peri

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** WHAT IF I GET DISOWNED

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** WHAT IF MOTHER FORCES ME TO PACK UP ALL MY BELONGINGS AND START A NEW LIFE IN SOLITUDE IN MEXICO

 **[grape of wrath]:** dude why mexico wtf

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** WHAT IF SHE DOESN'T EVEN LET ME TAKE MY BELONGINGS

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SURVIVE WITHOUT MY BANDAGES

 **[grape of wrath]:** DUDE

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** OR MY GLASSES

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** OR ACCESS TO ALL SEVEN SEASONS OF CAMP PINING HEARTS ON DEMAND ON WEBFLIX?!

 **[grape of wrath]:** PDOT!

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:**...

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** yes?

 **[grape of wrath]:** calm. down. cmon deep breaths

 **[cubism]:** remember the song peridot

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** um

 **[cubism]:** take a moment to think of just

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:**...flexibility, love, and trust?

 **[cubism]:** exactly

 **[human highlighter]:** if you're really that scared of showing it to her, then just hide it, we won't judge

 **[grape of wrath]:** yeah man i mean if u rly want ill take it

 **[grape of wrath]:** hide it in all my junk

 **[pearlfect]:** Well, that's one way of losing it forever, I suppose. Amethyst's "room" is nothing short of a disaster area.

 **[grape of wrath]:** aww thx ❤︎

 **[pearlfect]:** That wasn't a compliment.

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:**...i tried garnet's song

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** i think i'm okay now.

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** i suppose i'll just tuck this into an old book on the bottom-most shelf of the library

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** no one bothers to kneel down and pick up the ones on the bottom

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** i'm furtively slinking downstairs as we speak

 **[human highlighter]:** as we speak, as you squeak

 **[grape of wrath]:** arright operation sixty nine is a go

 **[human highlighter]:** amy...PLEASE don't call it that

 **[grape of wrath]:** ;)

 **[pearlfect]:** Keep us posted!

**[insufferable noodle armed prick] has sent 1 image**

**[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** SUCCESS!

 **[grape of wrath]:** ayyyy!

 **[human highlighter]:** holy shit why? is your library so BIG

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** I KNOW ISN'T IT AMAZING

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** NOW ALL I HAVE TO DO IS

 **[pearlfect]:**...Is what?

 **[pearlfect]:** Peridot?

 **[grape of wrath]:** oh my god did she fuckin die on us

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** IUEJSDKD;BDKLS

 **[grape of wrath]:** oh there she is

 **[pearlfect]:** Peridot? What happened?

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** JONQUIL TOOK THE BOOK

 **[human highlighter]:** what

 **[human highlighter]:** no way

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** SHE JUST WALTZED RIGHT IN HERE

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** AND TOOK IT

 **[cubism]:** interesting

 **[cubism]:** this wasn't exactly the route i had expected us to take

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** WHY IS SHE EVEN AWAKE IT'S 2:40 AM

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** SHE'S OUT TO GET ME I'M CERTAIN OF IT

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** I HATE HER

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** I HATE CREATIVE WRITING

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** I HATE EVERYTHING

 **[insufferable noodle armed prick]:** STUPID CLODDY POINTY-NOSED GRATING PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A BUTLER

"Wow," Lapis muttered as she perused through last night's (or should it be called morning's?) antics of the Crystal Gems. "Do you guys ever _sleep?"_

"—Lakshmi, _put that thing away!"_

Lapis jolted upwards a bit in her seat, her seatbelt strap slicing into her neck a bit as she locked the phone and pressed it screen-down into her thigh. Her mother drummed the steering wheel as strands of grey-streaked black bounced around her face, worry lines deepening around the corners of her eyes and accentuating the bags underneath them.

"I can't believe you," she declared huffily. She was tearing through the roads at an alarmingly fast pace. "I. Can't. _Believe._ You. Falling asleep in a _core class_ like some sort of goddamn _delinquent?"_

Oh, so _she_ could say it without biting into a bar of Pears.

"Insomnia," Lapis answered curtly. The grip on her phone tightened as she stared down at her wispy blue skirt, refusing to meet her mother's eyes.

Or maybe she just didn't have the energy to meet them. Or do much of anything.

Her mother sighed in irritation, eyes still locked on the road, but with her sharp, acerbic voice holding Lapis by knifepoint. "Well, _maybe_ you'd be useful if you actually listened to what you were told to do!"

Admittedly: ouch. But nothing Lapis hadn't heard before. She continued to stare down at her skirt until all she could see in her line of vision was a sheet of pastel blue fabric.

Doug's yellow slip had caused quite the commotion at home, as per Lapis's foresight. It went something along the lines of: disbelief, anger, disappointment, and anxiety. Just like it always did when her parents acknowledged that Lapis Sagar was, in fact, an actual piece of steaming—

She clenched a fist over her skirt.

_What the fuck. It's just cafeteria duty._

But she knew it was more than that. They both knew it was more than that. Little things built up over a long period of time. Things ranging from the two-week-old pile of dirty laundry lazing around in her musty closet to her random, sporadic bouts of chapped lips and dehydration to the olive shards of glass tinged with the sickly sweet smell of wine that her mother had found hidden in her bathroom the day she had decided to take Lapis to see that insufferable therapist.

"—maybe that wouldn't happen if you just _took your pills!"_

The tension in Lapis's chest built up, burning her insides with saltwater as she felt like puking, the sheet of pastel blue no longer a welcome sight.

Pastel blue was evil. Pastel blue was the color of antidepressants. And antidepressants—

_"They make me feel like SHIT!"_

_Precisely,_ she thought the minute the words torrented out of her mouth.

 _Well, shit,_ she thought the minute her mother stiffened up in her seat, slammed the brakes dangerously close to a red traffic light, and inhaled sharply as Lapis puffed out her cheeks and bit her lip.

Was that water welling up in her eyes?

Of course it was.

This was Lapis, she was talking to, after all. Crying was inevitable.

"I...crap, I didn't mean..." Lapis faltered, rubbing at her wrists and swallowing. Her saliva burned as it slid down her dehydrated throat.

"I—ugh, whatever. Just douse my mouth in soap," she snapped finally, wishing she could tear her stupid blue skirt off her pathetic excuse for a body she never even bothered to look after. "I don't fucking care anymore."

That was her doctrine, of sorts. Caring had become almost as tiresome as lugging out her unwieldy piles of dirty shirts to the washing machine. Soap was an acquired taste, she supposed.

"Lakshmi..."

But her mother's voice becoming surprisingly gentle and sad whenever she was done getting angry over Lapis's bullshit was something she would never get used to.

It was always condescending, always laced with disappointment. It always sloshed around in Lapis's ears hours after she heard it.

It always rubbed salt in her wounds.

Lapis crossed her arms as the car slowly pulled up to Quartz Academy's parking lot with a mechanical grumble. "I'm. _Sorry."_

(She really wasn't. She really never was. Assholes never apologized. Lapis was an asshole. Therefore, Lapis never apologized. It was the transitive property of being a nuisance. It was the only calculation she'd ever truly need to do in her life).

She watched as her mother sighed, sweeping away a strand of greying hair and turning off their Dondai's engine. "Okay," she breathed, then pursed her lips, then breathed again. "Okay."

(It really wasn't. It really never was. But her mother tried anyways).

"Did you...know who called me yesterday?" she interjected, right when Lapis was about to slip out of her seatbelt and hightail it to the cafeteria.

"Who?" she replied before instantly regretting it, her mind a roaring and windswept landscape as it tried to grab at all the possibilities. Her mother wouldn't tell her unless the speaker wanted to talk to Lapis in specific. But no one called her. No one _ever_ called her—much less her home number. Her breathing quickened as the ghosts of late-night conversations on her clunky home phone back when she was eleven and had no access to a mobile resurfaced inside of her, full of shared raspy laughs and gruff, half-assed reconciliations and broken promises—

"Beach City's youth swim league."

...Oh. _Oh._ Lapis nearly smiled in relief, but caught herself halfway through. Unfortunately, her mother did as well, got the wrong impression, and beamed right back at her despite her sad, tired eyes.

"They never forgot you, Lakshmi. You were fast and graceful and just—" she waved a hand around in the air as if trying to grasp the right word. "—just _incredible,"_ she finished, her voice now laced with nostalgia.

A thing of the past.

That's all Lapis ever was.

Bitterness crept up her tongue as her mother sighed and finally peeled her hands off of the steering wheel. "It was like you belonged in the water. Like you were _born_ to be in the water. Maybe...maybe think about it?"

Fuck no.

But in spite of it all, Lapis found herself sighing as she saw the hopeful glint in her eyes.

"...Yeah," she muttered, each syllable she spoke increasing the bitter taste in her mouth. "Okay."

Maybe that would be enough to appease her. And even if it wasn't, at least Lapis could take pride in knowing she could do one thing right: be a lying, fraudulent, absolute asshole. Go big or go home.

"I know it's hard," her mother continued, her tone now slipping back into grating condescension. "And maybe I don't know why all of this happened in the first place."

Lapis felt her blood freeze. She didn't know. But she knew _something_ happened. And oh, fucking hell, if she _ever_ found out—

"Maybe even you don't know. Maybe you do and you're refusing to tell me."

Lapis's blood coagulated and reached absolute zero.

 _She knows. Fuck fuck fuck. She_ knows.

"Maybe you just want to forget it. But you're pushing through. And we need you to keep pushing through. I need to see you get better." She pointed a finger in Lapis's direction, and the sincere intensity of her gaze managed to warm Lapis's blood up once more. "You need to see you get better." She turned around and began rummaging through a container situated next to the gear selector in between the two of them.

Lapis looked on and clenched and unclenched her fists repeatedly in the process, as if trying to revive the circulation in her fingers. She bit her lip. "Amma—"

She pressed a small rectangle of paper into Lapis's palm right as she unclenched it with a resounding thwap. "I went to their site yesterday. Printed out some info."

"I..." Lapis gaped at it, staring at the royal blue logo blocked out to read BCYSL and make Lapis wonder if it was some sort of weird scratch and sniff thing even though that was impossible, because she could swear that she caught a whiff of chlorine wafting up from the pamphlet. She snorted. "Oh my god. That's so extra."

But then she saw her mother's face, tired and aged nearly ten years beyond her actual forty-two, and yet still, for some strange reason that confused Lapis at best and aggravated her at worst, looked hopeful. Like her daughter would listen to her, like her daughter would change for the better—like her daughter could actually be a decent, functioning person.

_Ouch._

"...Yeah," Lapis muttered as she folded the pamphlet in half, shoved it into the side of her backpack, and slipped out of the car. "Okay."

* * *

"Great," Lapis snapped, arms thrust out in frustration as she kicked at an apple core on the floor, narrowing her eyes. "They tell me to clean the cafeteria and I don't even get a goddamn mop."

She had walked in, dumped her stuff near the neatest corner she could find, and had proceeded to scan the entire area for something to clean with; all she had ended up finding was this apple core, an abandoned (and admittedly, kind of cool) teal gel pen, and miscellaneous crumbs peppered across the tiles.

Goddammit, Doug.

"Here you go."

Lapis blinked and grabbed the offering from the hand extended towards her on her right. "Oh. Uh, thank— _wait, holy shit!"_

The mop's plastic handle clattered onto the ground as her eyes met a pair of sunglasses, glinting...bluish-red(?) under the artificial lighting.

She groaned. God. _Why._

"Lazuli, freeze! You're going to damage the circuitry!"

"What the—" Lapis stiffened up as a neon green orb of some sort whizzed past her, leaving a trail of pastel blue gunk in its wake. Of all fucking colors. She eyed the trail all the way down to the other end of the cafeteria, where she spotted Peridot tweaking the antenna of some sort of game-console-looking thing in her hand, a girl with a solid white hijab bent over right next to her and talking to another girl (yes, a _girl_ —Lapis would know, her hair was cascading down her back in a lavender waterfall today) who was casually leaning against yet _another_ girl whose eyebags looked significantly better than they had the day before. Not to mention the fact that she didn't reek of caffeine.

It was the whole gang.

Lapis groaned again.

"What the hell are you guys doing here?"

"Uh, helping _you,"_ Amethyst said, walking up to her and jabbing a finger in her chest. "Even if you don't appreciate it at all." She snorted. "You're welcome."

"We, er—" Pearl clasped her hands together, frowning apprehensively. "We felt a bit...guilty for not waking you up immediately when you dozed off yesterday, right before Mr. Maheswaran noticed—"

"Pfft!" Amethyst grinned. "You prolly just wanted to watch her sleep."

_"What?!"_

"Like, I dunno," she said, lazily waving a hand around in the air. "I feel like...ya got some sorta weird nap fetish or some shit."

 _"Fetish?!"_ Pearl's eyes went wide as she placed a hand over her chest in indignation. "I only do that with Steven! And that is because he is a _child_ and I need to ensure that he doesn't wander off in the middle of the night! Did you know that somnambulance—"

Amethyst frowned. "Sommuh-what-now?"

"Sleepwalking," Peridot supplied as she fiddled with the buttons on her controller, resulting in the weird-ass orb looping around in crooked, just as weird-ass circles across the cafeteria as she frowned and muttered something about "adjusting calibrations."

Pearl nodded. "Yes," she said before turning back to Amethyst. "Did you now that it's prevalent among forty percent of children? Forty! So excuse _me_ for taking precautions."

Amethyst shrugged. "Eh. Whenever Garnet looks after him, she just has him sleep on top of her. Makes things way easier. Little man told me her 'fro makes a real nice pillow."

"The best pillow," Garnet declared as she picked up the mop from off the floor and handed it to Amethyst, who went over to the bucket of water situated a table away and started cleaning (although, to be honest, it just looked more like she was slapping the wet fabric at the end of the handle haphazardly over the crumbs). Lapis's gaze floundered from her to Garnet and back again.

"Uh..."

"Yes, yes, Garnet's aptitude for being an adequate cushion aside!" Peridot cut in, resting the controller in between her hip and her hand. "We're here to assist you in cleaning the lunch room, Lazuli. And luckily for you," she said with a grin, "my latest project is nothing short of perfect for our task at hand!" She jabbed a button and proudly gestured to the orb, which was now standing erect like a soldier and, surprisingly, not slipping in the slime it had ejected as it was whizzing around.

"A _flask robonoid,"_ Peridot announced proudly, beaming and adjusting her glasses. "It emits a disinfectant liquid—which, I will have you know, was concocted by me as well—and assists as a germicidal catalyst which, upon wiping, rids the area it occupies of any refuse from foodstuffs!"

Bismuth chuckled and gave Peridot a slight slap on the back that she jumped nearly a foot in the air over. "Wow. Really outdid yourself there, Dot," she said over the latter's nasally yelp. "Even matches your color scheme and everything."

She frowned. "I have a color scheme?" She scratched the back of her head, a neon green glowstick bracelet dangling from her arm as her virescent glasses slid down her nose just above her virescent v-neck tucked into her virescent shorts revealing her (thankfully, _somewhat_ less gaudy) virescent legs.

Lapis snorted. "You're fucking kidding me, right?"

Peridot rolled her eyes. "Lazuli, you should be grateful I decided to bring along my robonoid," she declared, rubbing a thumb over the buttons on her controller. "I risked life and limb to shove it into my backpack when Jonquil wasn't looking."

 _Jonquil._ Why did that sound familiar?

"The...butler," Lapis said dubiously after a minute of recalling the fiasco that had happened this morning.

And then she took another minute to realize just how _fucking ridiculous_ that sounded.

Peridot narrowed her eyes. "You say that like you doubt her line of occupation." She snorted. "I don't blame you."

"No, I just..." Lapis shook her head. "A butler," she repeated. "You have a fucking _butler."_

"Ohhh! That's right! You don't know!" Amethyst slid up next to Peridot and slung an arm over her shoulder, jabbing her in the chest with her free hand. "Peri-posh here is _loaded._ Mom owns a buncha diamond mines overseas. Rich people loooove diamonds."

"And rubies and sapphires," Peridot interjected. "And more recently, she's invested in the pearl culturing industry as well."

"Pearls? Ha! You hear that, P?"

Pearl frowned and brought a hand up to smooth out her hijab even though it was nothing short of flawless. "Er...yes." She then continued to scrub at a table with a sponge that was, without a doubt, hers: a pastel blue star.

Goddammit, why did everything have to be that shit color?

Judging by the scowl on Peridot's face, she seemed to agree. She leaned over Pearl's table, pointed a finger at her accusingly, and drummed the fingers of her other hand on the surface in irritation. "Um, why are you using that thing? Is my robonoid not satisfactory?"

Pearl just huffed and continued scrubbing. Damn. Cold.

"Well, considering you only brought along one and it's quite small, we'll cover more surface area if we just clean this room by hand."

"She's actually just a grandma," Bismuth said with a low voice and a huge grin.

"I am _not!"_

Peridot plastered a hand to her chin in thought, ignoring them. "Hmm...I suppose I can attempt a more traditional approach." She yanked the mop out of Amethyst's hands and started scraping the plastic handle against the floor with a grating chorus of screeches while everyone looked on in confusion. "Let the mopping commence!"

"...You've never cleaned a thing in your life, have you," Bismuth deadpanned.

"Hey! At least appreciate the fact that I'm trying!"

Garnet then proceeded to yank the mop out of her hands, shove it violently into its bucket, stir with the handle vigorously, and offer it back to Peridot, handle-side-up.

"You have to dip it in the water first."

Peridot's nostrils flared a bit as she stooped over and squished the mop against the floor, scowling at Pearl's snickers in the background.

"This is _incredibly_ inefficient."

* * *

"Fuck!"

Lapis stumbled and met a faceful of ugly pastel blue disinfectant liquid as her foot met a large, clunky bag that made her big toe hurt sorely. She watched as her mop clattered to the floor right beside her.

"Woah! Hey, Laz, you alright?"

She launched herself up and glared at Amethyst, whose expression changed from one of concern to disbelief and then cackling as she caught sight of the blue gunk on her face.

"For the last time. _Lapis,"_ she hissed through gritted teeth, swiping at her face.

"Heh! My B, just thought a cool nickname would cheer you up. You look a little..." Amethyst bit her lip to suppress a chuckle. _"Blue."_

Oh, fuck her.

And fuck Lapis too, to be honest; because she actually started _chuckling,_ of all things, as she wiped the remnants of Peridot's robonoid slime from her face and bent down to pick up her mop. She stared down at her offender.

The bag was a pale peach, a white tennis racket sticking straight out of it. So, yeah—don't blame Lapis if she wasn't surprised that Pearl was the one who rushed over to pick it up and start apologizing profusely.

"Lapis! Are you alright? I'm so sorry! I, er—I suppose I forgot to place all my bags in one area, it's my fault. I just—"

"Uh, bags?" Lapis interrupted, blinking.

"At four o'clock," Amethyst said, crossing her arms while Garnet jabbed a thumb in the direction of a conglomerate of bags that Lapis could only describe as a hot mess.

A pastel-hued, star-speckled hot mess.

Bismuth clicked her tongue as she crouched down to inspect the pile, picking up a light yellow drawstring labelled _DEBATE_ in one hand and then picking up a teal tote bag marked _LATIN_ in the other.

"I swear, you're wearing way too many hats, Pearl. One day, you're just gonna..." Bismuth frowned and turned around to face her. "Blow up."

"And say fuck."

Bismuth snorted as she set the bags down and elbowed Amethyst in the chest. "Yeah, that too, probably."

Pearl rolled her eyes. "Oh, hush, I'm fine. But I would be even _better_ if I could find an appropriate ensemble for music at prom this year."

Amethyst scoffed and threw her hands in the air. "Dude, prom isn't for like, nine months!"

"Precisely! Nine months too soon!"

"Why, 'cause you can't find a date?"

"What the—" Pearl sputtered as her cheeks turned significantly darker. _"No,_ because I can't find a _band!"_ She turned away from Amethyst and crossed her arms, grumbling incoherently.

Peridot raised an eyebrow at her. "What's _her_ problem?"

Lapis decided to be helpful and respond with a shrug that caused Peridot to raise her other eyebrow upwards as well.

Amethyst, meanwhile, pursed her lips in contemplation before deciding to take a step forward.

"How about—"

Garnet placed a foot in front of her and a hand on top of her. She shook her head at Amethyst. "No," she whispered so lightly that Lapis could barely make out what she was saying. "It'll make things worse."

Amethyst glared at her in disbelief before deflating. "Worse than this?" she muttered back, stooping her head down so that a tuft of lavender tumbled over her left eye.

Garnet sighed. "We're...getting there. She's willingly looking after his son. It's a start."

"Look, I dunno if you've been keepin' track or not, but we've been stuck at _start_ for four years, G. Not just her. All of us! And we're not even _bothering_ to move on!"

"Things must run their course."

Amethyst sighed in exasperation. "If this is your mom's psychic BS again—"

"Pearl!"

Amethyst frowned as she snapped her mouth shut upon seeing Pearl turn around, plopping herself onto the nearest table and swinging her legs back and forth.

"Hmm?"

Garnet adjusted her shades. "My mum's in a band—er, sorry, was."

Everyone blinked as Pearl frowned before giving a small, tentative smile. "Well, I appreciate the suggestion, Garnet, but use is it if she's not playing anymore?"

Amethyst leapt off of the table, seeming to forget the funk she was just in and wedging herself in between Garnet and Pearl. She gave them both a shit-eating grin. "Ohhh, I smell G-Squad wanting to get the band back together!"

Bismuth gasped, put her hands on her hips, and began grinning as well. "Wait, what's this I'm hearing? The Corundums are playing at prom?"

Peridot sniffed. "I've only ever seen them once at Garnet's house. They intimidate me." She scrunched her nose up. "And their baseball skills are far less than adequate. Also, who names their child _Leggy?"_

"Oh my god," Lapis muttered, stifling a snort. _"Leggy?"_

Once they all started staring at her, however, the urge to laugh dissipated entirely.

They must have forgotten she was even present, given her grand total of five or so sentences she had uttered since her arrival to the cafeteria—not that she could actually provide any input, however. _Jonquil? Leggy? Steven?_ Whoever the hell Pearl wasn't on good terms with? Garnet's psychic BS mom? She knew zilch about it all.

She knew zilch about all of them.

Suddenly, Lapis's invitation to the Crystal Gems seemed more and more like an act done out of pity than anything else. She grit her teeth.

Assholes didn't deserve pity.

She tensed her shoulders and lowered her neck as if trying to sink her head into her collarbone. It didn't help in cooling off her cheeks in the slightest.

"Uh...yeah!" Bismuth said finally after a lapse of dumbfounded silence that had gone on far too long for Lapis's liking. "Well-meaning, I guess, but a bit scatterbrained." She chuckled. "She got a giant burn on her thigh years ago from trying to make waffles. I don't even _know_ how that happened."

Garnet shrugged and smiled. "Eh. They still tasted pretty good."

Bismuth crossed her arms and gasped melodramatically. "Mine are _better."_

"Dumping copious amounts of food dye into your meals to make them rainbow doesn't exactly equate to better," Peridot cut in.

"Okay, but do they taste good?"

"Hmm...I'm not sure," Peridot said with a shrug. "It's been a while. I'll need to verify my opinion on them again."

Amethyst snickered. "Yep, she likes 'em."

Pearl cleared her throat. "So, uh...the band?"

Garnet nodded. "Yes. I'll look into it."

"Oh, that's wonderful! Thank you, Garnet!" Pearl started jumping around for a few seconds before Amethyst and Bismuth started chuckling, which she took as a cue to compose herself. She fiddled with the sleeves on her tunic as she turned around to face Lapis.

Huh, so she did exist, after all.

She wasn't really sure how she was supposed to feel about that.

But definitely not _relieved._ Definitely not _grateful._ No, no, no. Far from that. _Far._

Trust her.

"Lapis, are you going to prom?"

"No," Lapis replied almost automatically as she began cleaning up the last of the robonoid sludge, which had, actually, surprisingly, made the tiles significantly cleaner.

Amethyst rolled her eyes. "Pssh. You're no fun."

"Yeah, I get that a lot," Lapis deadpanned back. "And besides, you need a date for that kind of stuff." She shrugged as she placed her mop back in its bucket. "Don't have one, don't want one."

Peridot snorted and waved a hand dismissively, plopping down onto a table. "Oh, please, Lazuli! The only _date_ you'll need is May twenty-second. Going with friends certainly lies within acceptable prom protocol."

 _"Acceptable prom protocol,"_ Amethyst echoed while pinching her nose. "What. A. Fucking. _Nerd."_

Lapis raised an eyebrow at Peridot. "Are you saying you don't wanna go with anyone, ah... _aesthetically pleasing?"_

_"Gah!"_

Peridot tumbled off of the table as Lapis started laughing, soon joined in by a initially-confused and now-ecstatic Amethyst, who grabbed Peridot by the hand as she tried to worm her way out of her grasp. She looked like she wanted to drown in a vat of robonoid gunk.

"Woah-ho, hold the phone! Peri, you got a crush?"

Peridot scowled at Lapis (who, yeah, admittedly deserved it) before whipping her head around to glare at Amethyst. "The only thing that's going to be _crushed_ is my metacarpus with that iron grip of yours!"

"Aw, c'mon!" She pleaded. "Spill!"

Peridot continued to grunt and pull herself away from Amethyst. "I—have _nothing_ —to _spill!"_

"Would you all quit squabbling?" Bismuth interrupted, stepping in as Amethyst let go and Peridot rubbed what Lapis could only assume was her metacarpus while harrumphing. "The first period bell's about to ring in five minutes."

Amethyst's eyes widened i shock. "Already? Man, this week's going by so fast." She leaned against the table and sighed. "Ah, I can't wait to catch some waves on Saturday."

Pearl snapped to attention the minute the last word rolled off of Amethyst's tongue, grabbing all of her bags (three in each hand, one in the crook of her right arm, one backpack, and the infamous tennis racket bag dangling from her left shoulder). "Oh, that's right! Er, Lapis—"

"We're going to the beach on Saturday," Garnet finished. "Would you like to—"

_"No!"_

_Oh God. Oh God Oh God Oh God shit fuck fuck fuck fuck_ fuck.

She shivered as waves began rolling around in her stomach.

She was seasick.

"I, uh..." she stammered, desperately trying to grab ahold of some words to string into a coherent sentence so Garnet and Amethyst and Bismuth and Pearl and Peridot wouldn't think she was a freak.

She was an asshole. There was a distinct, refined difference.

"I...don't like...the beach," she finished jerkily as she tugged at her skirt.

She grimaced and mentally kicked herself. Now they all looked more concerned than anything.

...Yeah, that didn't help at all.

"Uh—have fun, though," she squeezed in with a stiff, forced smile.

Amethyst exhaled sharply. _"Awkwarrrrd."_

"Um...how about the mall?" Pearl offered with a shrug.

Jeez. So these people hadn't ever heard of sleep _or_ giving up.

"P, there's like a grand total of twenty somethin' people in Beach City," Amethyst informed her with a frown. "The nearest mall is in, like, Aqua Town."

"I'm aware, Amethyst. but perhaps if we all carpool—"

"It's fine," Lapis interjected, picking up her backpack and striding to the exit. "I need to go. The bell's about to ring."

Garnet sighed and put a hand to her glasses. "Thought so."

"Oh, please," Lapis heard Peridot say as she pushed the doors open to take leave. "Even Leggy could have deduced that."

_Awkward._

* * *

**_Thank you for showing interest in joining Beach City's Youth Swim League! Our mission statement is to strive to hone the skills of any and all youth in our city interested in partaking in various aquatic endeavors—_ **

"Jesus fucking Christ, this sounds like Peridot," Lapis muttered, closing the pamphlet and cringing at the sheet of cerulean water glimmering innocently on the front cover.

_Disgusting._

She pushed herself off of the wall she had been leaning against, stuffed the pamphlet back into the side of her backpack, pulled out her phone to check the time, and shoved that back into her backpack as well. She had approximately seven more minutes until her scheduled visit to parabola hell. Desperate times called for a pick-me-up. And luckily for her, the Lion Licker she had sneaked into her lunchbox when her mother wasn't looking was probably not half-melted just yet. This morning, she would dine like—

_Well, fuck._

Her lunchbox was nowhere to be found, meaning: another visit to the cafeteria was due. She sighed, turned around, and took a step down the hallway before realizing she couldn't bring herself to move any further.

_You shouldn't._

She frowned. What the _fuck._ It was _food._ And more importantly, it was _her_ food. She had to go get it back. She took another step and froze up yet again.

_They hate you. And no wonder. You keep pushing everyone away._

What. The. _Fuck._

Lapis forced herself to trudge along the hallway in the direction of the cafeteria, because assholes didn't care. Assholes _shouldn't_ care.

But Lapis cared more than anything and it made her want to tear her heart out and bludgeon it with a mop.

Feelings _sucked._

Lapis didn't have any energy. Caring took too much energy. And thus, applying the transitive property once more, Lapis could not care. At all.

And the last fucking thing Lapis wanted to be called was a liar.

_Liar._

The word churned around in her stomach and snaked its way up to her throat, burning the inside of her mouth as she mechanically opened the cafeteria doors and slinked in. Instantly, the feeling was replaced by relief as she snatched up her lunchbox which was lying near the entrance. She dug through the contents and pulled out the long-awaited Lion Licker, feeling the outside of the packet for any melted areas. Just the ears. Still good.

But then her relief was replaced by seasickness yet again as she heard the word "Lapis" emanate from the other side of the room.

"—It's obviously because you brought up the subject of prom! It probably made her uneasy due to its connotations with _making out."_

Lapis plastered herself to the wall near the entrance, her heart pounding a mile a millisecond as she furtively peered out to see what was going on.

Pearl was scoffing at Peridot. "Me? _You're_ the one who started talking about _dates!"_

"Well, you're the one who—"

Bismuth sighed. "Ugh, look, why are we even trying so hard? She doesn't even like us."

Lapis bit her lip to suppress a fuck that was on its way out. Of _course_ that's what they thought of her. Goddammit.

_Asshole._

"Aw, c'mon!" Amethyst pouted. "Who can resist _this?"_ She attempted to haphazardly flip her hair, only to have strands of it flop back down over her face. She gagged and stuck her tongue out as one entered her mouth and Peridot and Pearl flinched away from her in disgust.

Bismuth rolled her eyes and laughed. "Oh, real sexy."

Amethyst snorted. "Well, you know me. So...are we still heading to the mall, or...?"

Pearl crossed her arms. "Well, now that you mention it...i do need some swatches of fabric for sewing club. Oh, and a new flash drive and some blank CDs for programming. And—"

"Jeez, alright, alright," Amethyst interrupted.

"—Some art supplies for the new set for drama!"

"What the—P, you're not even _in_ drama!"

Pearl shrugged. "I know, but as junior student council president, I have to show my support for _all_ extracurriculars!" She clasped her hands together and grinned.

"She _should_ be in drama," Peridot muttered as she picked up her now-turned-off robonoid and unceremoniously stuffed it in her backpack.

 _"You_ should," Garnet supplied.

Peridot gawked at her. "WHAT?! ACTORS ARE SO UPTIGHT AND SENSITIVE, HOW _DARE_ YOU!"

Fortunately, years of suppressing laughter at inopportune times and passing them off as sneezes had become almost instinctual for Lapis; unfortunately, even a sneeze wouldn't cut it in this case.

She quickly ducked in behind the wall as she saw Garnet turn around and Bismuth raise an eyebrow.

"What was that? Garnet, why are you smiling at me like that? Garn? Garnet? Did you know what that was?"

"Future vision," Lapis muttered under her breath at the same time Garnet said it and dashed out to pre-cal.

* * *

"Shoo! Shoo!"

Lapis chuckled as a rather startled flock of birds began dispersing from around her ankles, allowing her to take a bite of strawberry jam-covered goodness in peace. Maybe not all weekdays were bad. Especially ones where she could actually breathe and take reprieve from her homework and Friday was just around the corner.

"Heh, nice one, kid," she told Connie, who was brandishing her plastic yellow recorder around in the air defiantly. "You just saved my biscuit."

"Seagulls are evil," the two-and-a-half year old replied sagely as she hopped onto the bench Lapis was sitting on and continued waving her recorder around to make her point.

Lapis snorted, licking the remnants of strawberry from her teeth. "You're telling me."

"—No way. I wanna rematch! Actually, you know what? Scratch that. I ain't playing with someone who keeps cheating!"

Lapis stiffened and froze up mid-chew. Oh, God, oh God oh sweet lord no.

"Amethyst, please. How does one cheat in rock-paper-scissors?"

Yep. Suspicions confirmed. She viciously dug into her biscuit and tore the chunk to shreds to relieve herself.

It didn't help.

"Uh, you can cheat by reading the other player's mind!" Amethyst retorted, chewing on what appeared to be a bright pink donut as Lapis watched her saunter up the boardwalk, sandwiched in between Garnet and Pearl.

"Future vision?" Pearl asked, looking up from the paper in her hand and smiling.

Garnet gave her a thumbs-up. "Mhm."

Two feet away. Two-and-a-half feet away. One feet away. Lapis registered their footsteps getting louder as she swiped away the last of the crumbs dusting her face far too quickly than she should have. Then she looked down at her skirt (which she made sure was a _much_ darker shade of blue today, thank you very much) and scowled, her face burning. She didn't dare look up.

Amethyst snorted. "Is that a crossword? Bismuth was right. You _are_ a grandma."

"Hmmph. I'll have you know it's much more entertaining than the comics section about the crying waffles and spoons."

"Steven likes them," Garnet said.

Amethyst sighed. "Yeeeeahhh. Kinda weird taste for a giggly four-year-old. Do you understand that show, G-Squad?"

"Not in the slightest."

_Just look down and they'll pass you by._

_...Honestly, just look up and they'll_ still _pass you by. That's what you deserve._

_Asshole._

"A bright blue metamorphic rock—"

Amethyst was frowning at Pearl right as Lapis looked up. "What?"

"The last section of this puzzle," Pearl declared, jabbing the eraser end of her pencil at the newspaper. "Eleven letters, and the third, sixth, and eleventh letters are p, l, and i, respectively."

"Huh." Amethyst raised an eyebrow at Pearl. "Bright blue rock—"

"Sapphire."

Pearl frowned while chewing on the eraser nib on her pencil. "I think that's eight letters."

"Sapphire with three spaces."

"Garnet, Sapphire doesn't even _have_ an l."

"Sapphire, two spaces, and an l."

She sighed. "Garnet, that's _not_ how crosswords work!"

"Ohhh yeah!" Amethyst elbowed Garnet in the chest (well, it was supposed to be aimed at her chest, anyway. It seemed to go more towards Garnet's hip due to her height). "Go against the system, girl!"

"Language is a social construct," Garnet agreed wholeheartedly.

"A..." Pearl sighed. _"Valid_ point, I suppose, but—oh oh oh, wait!" She gasped. "Wait, I think I got it! It's—"

"Lapis Lazuli," Garnet finished as Pearl walked right into the bench Lapis was sitting on and stumbled backwards into Garnet's arms. She quickly pushed herself back up, her cheeks a bit flushed as she smiled sheepishly before scribbling the answer onto her newspaper.

Lapis raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

"Oh!" Pearl looked up from her puzzle and nodded. "Lapis."

Lapis bit the inside of her cheek. "Uh...hey."

Amethyst crossed her arms. "Woah, you actually wanna say hi to us?"

Garnet placed a hand on her shoulder. "Be nice, Amethyst."

Amethyst shrugged. "Her standards for nice are _pretty_ low. That was probably over the charts nice for her."

Lapis crossed her arms right back at her. "I'm right here, you know," she grumbled.

"Seagull!"

All four of them blinked in confusion momentarily before Lapis realized Connie had spotted another local scavenger to put up a fight with. She launched herself off the bench and plopped onto the boardwalk, brandishing her recorder. Pearl crouched down and smiled at her.

"Oh, hello! And who might you be?"

"That's Connie," Lapis said.

"Shoo!" Connie declared, thrusting her recorder in Pearl's face. Lapis raised up her arms in defense.

"...I did _not_ teach her that, I swear."

Amethyst proceeded to crouch down as well, but she didn't have to as much considering the fact that Connie was up to the middle of her torso. She tilted her head and prodded Connie's weapon of choice. "Wait, like, Mr. Maheswaran's Connie?"

"Connie is her own person, thank you very much," Lapis said, picking her up (she started kicking her legs around in the air violently as Lapis did so; she hated being picked up), placing her back on the bench, and adjusting one of her overall straps. "But yeah."

Amethyst grinned and walked up to the bench, brandishing a semicircle of frosted pink in the kid's face. "Sweet. Hey, Connie! Wanna donut?"

Connie frowned and shook her head. "Too much trans fats," she declared as if she had rehearsed the line beforehand (which, of course, she had, knowing Priyanka Auntie's almost religious devotion to the food pyramid).

"Uh..." Amethyst blinked before shoving the rest of the donut in her mouth. "Okay," she muttered after swallowing. "Wow."

Lapis chuckled. "Just like your mom."

Amethyst looked on in wonder, hands now on her hips as she took in the scene with a just as confused-looking Pearl (Lapis couldn't vouch for Garnet; frankly, she wasn't sure if she could _ever_ vouch for Garnet). She cleared her throat.

"Never pegged you as a, uh...babysitter type," she said finally.

"People are often times more than you bargained for," Garnet said.

"Shoo! Begone!"

"Exhibit A," Lapis said, smirking and pointing at a now-unbenched Connie running around the boardwalk. "Also, I'm not the babysitter type," she clarified. "My family's just good friends with Doug and Priyanka."

"Oh, Doctor Priyanka Maheswaran?"

"Yes," Garnet said before Lapis could even open her mouth.

_Seriously?_

Lapis stared at her and pursed her lips into a frown. Perhaps she had no idea about Leggy or Steven or Garnet's mom's "psychic BS," but she _certainly_ knew more about the Maheswarans than _these_ people did.

...Right?

Social recluse status aside.

"He used to be a cop, y'know," Lapis admitted as offhandedly as she could, shrugging asymmetrically with one shoulder.

Amethyst shook her head in understandable disbelief. "Woah, no way."

Lapis nodded. "Yeah way. Had his own taser, lifetime supply of trans-fatty donuts, everything."

Amethyst looked horrified. "Why would he give up his donuts?"

Lapis couldn't help but smile slightly as she tilted her head in the direction of Connie valiantly battling a seagull trying to sneak its way towards the pack of biscuits placed in the middle of Lapis's bench. "Take a guess."

Pearl lowered her paper and put a hand to her cheek, smiling as well. "That's actually quite sweet."

"Sweet like the donuts he'll never be able to taste again," Amethyst lamented. "I'm so gonna bring him a dozen on Monday. And also—"

"—Get a dozen for yourself while you binge-watch mockbusters tonight."

Amethyst pressed a hand that was probably meant for Garnet's chest on her hip and gave a pseudo-bashful grin. "You know me so well."

Garnet nodded. "I like the cream-filled ones."

"Roger that." Amethyst winked, pointing finger guns at Garnet. "Operation Ace in the Donut Hole is a go. Hey, P, do you—"

_"OH MY GOODNESS!"_

Even Connie froze upon hearing Pearl's shrieks. Lapis narrowed her eyes and frowned as she watched Pearl drop her newspaper and alternate between frustratedly throwing her hands in the air and digging her nails into her hijab. "What the—"

"I'M LATE FOR PIANO!" She began pacing around in a circle restlessly while Amethyst looked on, perplexed.

"Uh...I thought you had it at 5:00."

"Yes, and it's 4:45!" Pearl retorted, clenching and unclenching her fists in agitation. "It takes twenty minutes to get there!"

"'Kay, so you'll be five minutes late. No biggie."

"This is a very huge _biggie,_ Amethyst!" She groaned. "I'll have to shift everything in my schedule—tennis, public speaking, student council—by _five more minutes_. That's _300 whole seconds!"_

"Not if I can help it," Garnet interrupted.

"Woah, what?" Amethyst grinned, her eyes lighting up instantly. "Sweet, are you gonna give us a lift?"

"Yes."

And then her grin faltered and gave way to confusion. She furrowed her brows. "Waiiiit, do you even _have_ your license on you right no—"

"No," Garnet said coolly as she proceeded _fucking scoop Amethyst and Pearl into each of her arms_ like a goddamn claw machine.

Pearl stiffened up in shock and then wriggled around and sputtered incoherently before realizing that there was no way out of her iron grip. "G-Garnet—"

"Do you want to get there in fifteen?"

"Yes! I mean—no! I mean—not like _this!"_ Pearl exclaimed, her voice going up an octave and a half.

"It's the fastest way."

Amethyst groaned, slumping her shoulders and letting her arms droop as she hovered two feet above the boardwalk. "What about my Ace in the Donut Hole?"

"We'll pick them up after we drop off Pearl. The last time I left you there unsupervised you broke the dumpster."

Amethyst blew a raspberry at her. "That was like, one time!"

"One time too many."

"Ugh, _fiiiine."_ Amethyst sighed and squished her head against Garnet's torso, her hair a tangled mess and her left cheek squashed like a pancake.

"Huh," she said appreciatively after a minute or two. "You _do_ make a nice pillow."

Garnet smiled. "The best pillow."

"Y'know, I take back what I said. Ste-man has good taste."

Pearl cleared her throat. "Er...it's been nice meeting you again, Lapis!"

"Ditto," Amethyst declared from her crevice.

"We'll..." Pearl trailed off, going slightly pink with embarrassment as a girl in activewear and a tight, poofy ponytail stopped her running momentarily to stare at the scene taking place in front of her. Garnet began to walk away from the bench with Pearl in tow. "...See you around," she finished, sighing in defeat.

"Wait!"

Woah woah woah hold it hold it hold it _what the actual fuck._

Lapis bit her lip right after the word came out of her mouth, hoping it would go unnoticed. But unfortunately for her, it did just the trick and Garnet tuned around looking... _mildly surprised,_ of all things, her lips parted open in a small _o_ as her luggage looked on in a similar fashion.

_Why are we even trying so hard? She doesn't even like us._

_Why are you even trying so hard? You shouldn't even like them._

Why the hell the equations just weren't matching up were beyond her.

"Um..." Lapis faltered as Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl looked on at her expectantly. She swallowed. Her throat still burned, but it felt somewhat more hydrated than it had last morning.

"Saturday, right?" She asked, clearly, fluidly, like her mouth was moving of its own accord (maybe it was. That would explain it. That would explain a lot. Maybe the philanthropist's spirit was possessing her, trying to make her cave in to the power of friendship. She wrinkled her nose at the very thought of it. She sincerely hoped it didn't mean she would have to break out into a cheesy musical number).

As soon those two words came out of her mouth, she seriously began to wonder if she was making a mistake. But then again, she decided, upon looking at Garnet giving her a grin and a swift nod in agreement as Pearl and Amethyst's _o's_ widened in surprise, assholes weren't supposed to care if they made mistakes.

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Jonquil: a flower. That happens to be yellow. Hint hint. I figured I couldn't exactly name all the Pearls "Pearl," lol. I also really liked the idea of Yellow Pearl being a butler of sorts for Yellow Diamond while simultaneously being an insufferable little shit towards Peridot. Good stuff. I also really, really like the idea of Peridot being an eccentric rich kid, honestly don't even ask me why I don't know. I just really like it? Haha  
> (on a side note, I hope the comment about "how butlers work" in Chapter 2 makes more sense now!)
> 
> -The donuts thing is a reference to Bubble Buddies—I actually don't know the trans fat content in donuts, so don't trust me on that. That, and the fact that I'm probably gonna eat them regardless.
> 
> -Hyperactive pseudo-swordfighting toddler Connie! I feel like Connie would have been both precocious and an absolute handful as a toddler. Steven will show up soon as well, just a heads-up!
> 
> Anyways, thanks so much for reading! As always, feedback/thoughts are more than appreciated! Sorry this one took so long, but thanks for waiting!


End file.
